


Eyes On You (HIATUS)

by SayakaYoru351



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Idols, JJ Project - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Music, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Pre-Debut era, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23508466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SayakaYoru351/pseuds/SayakaYoru351
Summary: Youngjae knew from the start it won't be easy. His fears of failure and disappointment ate his passion without him knowing.On the first day of his school, Youngjae lost his true purpose, only to find a new one that he has yet to face- better yet, meet."Synchronicity happens for a reason. There are no accidents and no coincidences." The universe sends us exactly what we are ready for at the exact same time we need it in our lives.Currently ON HOLD until further notice
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The story took place waaaaaaayyy before GOT7 formation, even training days. It's mostly centered to 2jae so you won't see much of the other members. There also characters who are now idols but I'll be using their real names instead of their stage names 
> 
> This story is also available on Wattpad under the name NobleKnightK.
> 
> It's been a while since I used AO3 so I'm a bit lost for what's about to happen.

The wind was chilly on the start of winter season. Orange and yellow leaves adored the footpath, bushes covered with a dust of snow sat on the side. Bustling murmurs of nervous students filled the air as they made their way inside the prestigious building that will possibly hold the key of their future careers.

Youngjae played with his cold fingers, pupils shaking as he gawked at the brownish red, brick walls encompassing the exterior of the building. He was just a bundle of anxiety. His father gave so much just so he could make his way to Seoul, to fulfill his dreams. He didn't want to disappoint his family. He didn't want to go back home empty handed but a shoulder burdened of failure.

"Youngjae, fighting," he murmured to himself and carefully rushed towards the entrance.

If making his way inside was already dreadful, stepping inside was suffocating. He knew he wasn't the only one who felt it; pressure. From the balconies above as well as the hallways, students wearing the uniform of the school stared down at them; eyes filled with burning determination and a mixture of smugness was captured in their gazes. Everything about their posture just screamed arrogance. The fact that they wore the symbol of the school just added the tension they were already oozing.

_Beat it if you can't do it_ \-- is what they seem to say.

Youngjae pulled the collar of his thin coat tighter in hopes of comforting himself. It gave little help but at least he was able to get himself together. Youngjae sat at one of the benches placed on the hallway, trying to keep his distance away from other applicants who were either murmuring lyrics or doing their vocal warm ups. Hearing their voices or seeing their moves almost made him throw up.

How can he compete with them? Not wasting another second, he abruptly stood up and marched outside the building. He knew he shouldn't. Any moment now, they will be called and handed their numbers but staying in there won't help him. He needed room to breath. He needed space to move and reassure himself that he needed to do what he needed to do. Giving up won't do. Making excuses won't cut it but he needed to _breathe_.

Youngjae dropped himself on the floor and leaned against the brick column. His head dropped between his legs and he took deep breaths to ease his nerves. That was the only time he realized his hands were shaking so bad. His fingers were a bit red at the tip, probably due to the coldness, and his labored breath clouded before him. His throat burned and an abrupt cough was punched out of his chest.

"Hey," Youngjae flinched at the voice.

His line of sight trailed from the white pair of shoes aligned with his own, up to the person's long legs, till to his concerned face. The guy had small yet intimidating eyes, his hair dark and messily uneven yet it suit him and he was just a few centimeters taller than Youngjae. It took a moment for Youngjae to process the familiar identity, but he couldn't out a finger on it. However, it didn't stop him from scrambling on his feet and hastily fix himself.

"Uhm... Hello," Youngjae stuttered and wiped his clammy hands.

The guy raised a questioning brow at the sudden rigidness. He looked around skeptically before facing Youngjae again. "Are you an applicant? What are you doing out here? The staff are about to gather you all for your evaluation," he spoke. His voice caused goosebumps to prickle at Youngjae's skin.

Youngjae found it quite odd to hear him speak in an Ilsan dialect but at the same time, reassured that the man was being casual with him. Well, at some point anyway. Still, it made his heart race and his already erratic nerves flutter in his gut. What should he do? Answer, of course, he scolded himself.

"I... I was only taking some fresh air," he replied.

The man pursed his thin lips and tilted his head slightly. "Nervous?" He asked again. Youngjae timidly nodded and entwined his fingers behind his back. "Well, just do your warm ups and good luck. Hopefully, we'll see each other around," he smiled and handed a half empty bottle towards Youngjae. Youngjae, albeit confuse, accepted the little gift. "Drink up and get back inside or else you'd get sick. Bye." He casually took a step back and made his away around the building.

Youngjae, dumbfounded, watched until he disappeared around the corner before looking down at the bottle in his hands. He blinked once, twice, before twisting the cap open and taking a big gulp of cool water. He sighed in relief as the burn finally melted away and relaxed his once scratchy throat. That stranger's appearance certainly spiked his anxiety a million times more but his words of encouragement caused the same effect to his confidence.

Youngjae pocketed the bottle and made his way back inside. Fortunately, they were just about to be called into the reception room. Their cue numbers were given randomly and Youngjae was placed in batch 3, number 37. Youngjae had never been so thankful he wasn't given number 1. As soon as the person stepped inside the private room, all the speakers and screens in the campus, activated and they were able to witness what was happening inside. Youngjae's stomach dropped and his dread came rushing back. And it seems like he wasn't the only one who was caught off guard.

"No way..." a boy said beside him.

"Oh god," another girl gasped.

The exams for Korean Arts High School had always been classified. It was a rule that all the applicants and staff had to abide else they'd face legal consequences. Each year the exam changes so no one could really give any good advice or ideas as to what to expect and unluckily for Youngjae, this batch just had to face massive humiliation once failing their performances.

"Why of all times now..." Youngjae muttered.

On the panel, 5 judges sat, all of which are known in the industry of Entertainment, Music, and Theater Arts. One of which stood out the most was Oh Dong Hae, one of Seoul's famous record producers. Getting the man's approval is basically a one way ticket to the university, better yet; into debuting. The girl was visibly shaking. It was apparent just how terrified she was.

"May I know your name," asked one of the evaluators. Youngjae recognize him as one of the school's Referrals. That man could either send you to a good company or leave you rotting on the streets.

"L-Lee Sunhee," she answered shakily. Her yelp was audible as the panel stated to scribble on their sheets.

"Begin your act," it was so straightforward. No formalities, no pre-interview, zero adjustment period at all.

The school's President rang the silver bell three times as a cue for her yet she froze. To what seems like half a minute, she finally began to sing. Her voice was still shaky, she sang flatly and her posture was stiff. Nonetheless, her notes was becoming stable and she began to relax. She had a very good voice and good expression. As she was about to begin the pre-chorus of the song, the bell rang again and an evaluator finally excused her. The air was immediately flooding with tension, so thick it could cut with a knife.

"Please, this way," one of the faculty lead her.

As soon as she got out, she noticed the screen and the next person following her enter. She dropped on her knees and cried. Youngjae wanted to help her up but they were divided by batches and separated by a rope. A few bunch surrounded her and helped her, gently leading her to one of the chairs. Her sudden breakdown made each and everyone of them realize what exactly was at stake or what school they were trying to pass.

The panel made no comment to every performance. They were only mute after a brief introduction and then silence. They would occasionally note something down and their faces did not betray their thoughts. At one point, Youngjae suspected there was a time limit but as more individuals showcased their talents, the sound of the bell was the only indication that your performance was over. The bell was not a signal for a time limit, it was a signal that either they were impressed or not. A trio performed a dance number which only ended in 30 seconds. A duo tried a comedy act, they didn't last more than 10 seconds.

It harsh and brutal.

Just one number before Youngjae. The students present seemed to take interest in their current dilemma. They may be silent but the smirk on their faces were evident every time the bell rings without a performer completing their act. The one before Youngjae sat confidently in front of a piano. Each key was on point, a melody was fluid and flawless and each drop of a note, another follows. It was a bold move. Youngjae didn't realize that his piece was over until the last note hang in the air until it faded along the silence.

"37," the woman by the door shouted.

Youngjae clumsily shot up and shakily made his way towards the door. The door closed and the sound of voices and pop music disappeared. Youngjae nervously nibbled on his lip as he waited for his cue. When the Principal gestured for him, he bowed his head and introduced himself.

"Good morning! My name is Choi Youngjae!" He greeted, startling one of the people with his loud voice.

Youngjae took three deep breathes before beginning his song. He started low, testing the waters of his vocal range. Slowly building up each note and breath, widely opening his mouth to allow more air in his wind pipe and lungs. Unknown to him, his eyes began to close, hands clenching into fists a he sang more freely. His heart felt light and happiness bubbled in his chest.

Youngjae loves to sing. He loves it very much. His heart ache whenever he listened to his favorite songs. He would lay late at night, playing his playlist and humming along the tunes; often muttering the lyrics until he fell asleep. This was his passion. He felt a sense of belongingness in music. He begged desperately for his parents to allow him to go to Seoul. He was determined to make his dreams come true.

Sadly, it wasn't enough.


	2. Chapter 2

One and a half. 

Just one and a half note and Youngjae would already be at home waiting anxiously for the results to come. He may have little believe in himself but it didn't mean he had zero expectations too. The fact that he went to this audition was proof that in some way, he believed he could do it. 

"Thank you for your time, Choi Youngjae," Oh Dong Hae said and nodded for Youngjae to leave. That was the first the man himself spoke but it went pass Youngjae's current state of mind. 

"Thank you for having me," he mumbled with his head down and slowly turned on his back. 

Youngjae could hear the murmurs once again; the sighs of relief, the scoffs and disappointed words. He shut his eyes and clenched the sides of his jacket as he made his way outside the building. Tears gathered at the corner of his eyes and he fought hard to keep them where they are. He was almost at the end of his high note when his voice suddenly cracked and everything immediately fell into silence. 

Was it because he didn't to his warm ups before singing that high? Was it because he tired himself with stress? Was it because he was nervous? Youngjae clutched his head and pulled the roots of his hair. He was so frustrated of himself. It was one thing to be rejected when he did his best, it was another when he messed it up. Badly. At least he might have little hope left in being accepted but from his latest blunder, he knew his chances was dropped to zero. 

"Youngjae, you are the worst," he hit his head a few times before dropping his hands back to his side, where his hand bumped into something from his pocket. 

Incredulously, he pulled out the nearly empty bottle from his coat. His lips quivered and his eyes began to water again. The stranger's words rang back in his head. 

_"Hopefully, we'll see each other around,"_ was what stuck in his memory the most. 

Now, not only did he feel like he disappointed his family, but also that man. He might sound a little egoistical for thinking he expected something from Youngjae but he wanted to make these people proud. He wanted to meet their expectations-- if not, exceed it at most. He wanted to prove that their support was worth something. Youngjae didn't want to show any half-assed effort. Hard work is hard work, and results are the only way to prove it. 

"You were an idiot for thinking you'd make it," he told himself bitterly before walking through the biting chill of the winter wind. He wasted his father's money, his mother's tears, and his sibling's encouragements. And now, he will go back in Mok-po, praying to the high heavens that he never have to bring shame to his family again. 

From the roof of the school, a pair of eyes watched Youngjae's slumped figure exit the gates. The man only closed his eyes before allowing the cold breeze brush his cheeks. He hadn't realized he dozed off until the first drop of snow hit his skin, along the freezing touch of winter began. It was late, nearing four p.m. He decided it was time to head back inside the building. 

As he walked, he was greeted by waving students heading home and some girls asking him to hang out with them. He declined. He made his way inside an empty studio, pocketing his personal copy of the key before taking off his black hoodie and placing his phone on the bundle. The music he played was only on its first second before the door opened and disturbed his peace. 

"Oh, a pleasant surprise to see you here, Jaebum," a man said fondly. 

Jaebum let out a soft smile and nodded his head. "It's time for practice, sir," he replied. 

"Always the hard worker, aren't you," the man laughed heartedly and roughly slapped Jaebum's shoulder. "Say, I thought you didn't want to come around this time of the year?" 

Jeabum was silent. He began stretching his legs first as he locked gazes with his teacher. "I didn't watched the evaluation, if that's what you are talking about. I just needed time to practice more." 

Jaebum wasn't entirely lying, after all, everything was broadcasted and he was bound to hear or see something from time to time, he reasoned as he stretched his arms over his head before slowly bending sideways, groaning at the sudden spike of sting at his waist. 

"Ah, that's right. Monthly evaluations are about to start," Jaebum nodded at his words while bending his arms behind his back. "In other words, recruiting season," the man mischievously hinted. "Oho, you're not really getting ahead of yourself, aren't you." 

Jaebum glanced at him from the corner of his eyes as he reached for his foot. His gaze hardened at the man's next few words. 

"Even if you are already the golden boy." 

It was pass ten in the evening when Jaebum decided it was time to head home. He gathered his hoodie and phone before turning off all the lights. He locked the door behind him before making his way out. As he passed by an office, he caught glimpse of a figure sitting idly in front of a desk. When he recognized who the man is, he knocked on the open door and successfully gained the attention he asked for. 

"It's been a while, Sir," Jaebum greeted politely but stayed by the door. 

Oh Dong Hae's eyes folded into slits as he smiled at the young man before him. He stood up from his chair and beckoned for Jaebum to invite himself inside. Jaebum gladly accepted with a playful smirk and sat on the arm of the sofa. "How have you been?" He softly asked as he placed his chin on his hand. 

"I've been doing good," Jaebum shrugged. Jaebum's eyes roamed around the small yet comfy office, taking note on the small snow beginning to fall outside until his eyes strayed on the thin pile of paper on the coffee table. 

Choi Youngjae, the familiar boy's profile resting on the top. The word **WAITING** was boldly stamped across his profile. Jaebum's eyebrows rose to his forehead, suddenly caught off guard but not entirely surprised. He heard the other occupant chuckle, probably catching him snooping around with his eyes. But then again, it was already laid out in the open so he wasn't entirely guilty about it. 

"What do you think of this year's fresh bunch?" The producer asked. 

Jaebum pressed his tongue inside his cheeks and snorted playfully. "Weren't you a little too cold towards them?" He asked. "But then again, aren't you always?" 

"Perhaps," Dong Hae shrugged mysteriously yet the small but uncanny smile on his face did not falter. "As you noticed, this industry is becoming more harsh as years passed by. It seems as though music no longer holds its value aside from the profit generated out of it." His hands dropped and folded over the surface of his desk. "These young talents needed to see just how unforgiving the consequences are once they don't perform at their best." 

Jaebum stayed silent. "Is that why you considered a waiting list?" He narrowed his eyes towards the unfazed man. 

"What do you think?" He asked instead. 

Youngjae's tight smile continued to stare back at him. "I think he is probably another diamond in the rough," Jaebum muttered. He heard a low hum in return. "The fact that you even considered to put Choi Youngjae in waiting must mean that you see raw talent in him, don't you, sir?" 

"Always a sharp one, Golden Boy," Dong Hae laughed lowly with his eyes closed. 

Jaebum sighed at his teasing but didn't comment on it. "You weren't subtle, sir." 

"Second chances rarely exists in our industry but why waste an opportunity when you see it?" The elder turned his back on Jaebum and his eyes narrowed fondly at the sight of snow blending with the soft glow of city lights. 

"Don't you think it's best to just admit that you are actually a real softie?" Jaebum teased, grinning playfully towards the man, who also served as his mentor. 

"We can't have favorites all the time, Jaebum." 

Jaebum understands that a waiting lists had always been present in every batch but Youngjae's mistake was and will always be a fatal mistake. That wasn't just a simple slip however, Jaebum himself could agree with the decision. It would've been a pity to let Youngjae's talent go to waste. Jaebum is not really biased himself, but he had always been an objective observer. He would give an honest opinion when needed and even a blatant evaluation if asked. 

Other than that, being in a waiting list is an even bigger deal than making it to the final line up itself. Jaebum could only imagine how the next school year will turn up once the new batch enters their rabbit hole. Jaebum couldn't help but smile at the thought. He was particularly interested how Oh Dong Hae will plan this year's survival tests. If what he said about the industry was true, then this year's batch is about to face their worst nightmare, enough to keep them unfaze once they enter that unforgiving world of the Kpop industry. 

"I'm looking forward to our next school year." 

"Me too." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 01/14/19 
> 
> This is not how I wanted it to turn out but whatever. 


	3. Chapter 3

Youngjae just got out of his uncle's house and was heading home. He was tired and down ever since his performance exam in Korean Arts High School, and it has been 3 months already. He did not receive any sort of confirmation whether he passed or not although he already saw some posts from other students who tried out. Youngjae expected he'd feel envious of them but instead, he was only disappointed of himself. 

The next school year was about to start in a month and Youngjae has yet to enroll. Some part of him wanted to wait till the last minute, hoping that he was reconsidered and accepted in his dream school. But after a long wait, he realized that he was just being stupid. What was he expecting? Korean Arts High School is a prestigious school looking for talents to hone and train. It certainly is not a charity event for someone like him. 

"I should get my requirements ready," Youngjae muttered as he stared up the slightly dark skies, bundles of gray and white clouds colored the once beautiful sky.

Youngjae opened the door of his home and paused when he spotted a pair of unfamiliar shoes scattered carelessly at their threshold. Youngjae shook his head and slipped his shoes off, neatly aligning them at the rack.

"I'm back!" Youngjae yelled through the house as he made his way to the kitchen, completely taken aback when he sees a stranger sitting with his parents. "Oh, good afternoon," Youngjae politely bowed.

"Youngjae, can you come over here?" his mom softly said. “We have something to discuss.”

Youngjae silently complied and placed a box of freshly steamed rice cakes over the table. "Uhm, Auntie wanted me to bring some home." 

"Thank you, son," his father nodded but his eyes remained on the stranger across them.

Youngjae shifted on his feet, feeling uneasy from the sudden tension in the room. "Let me just set this aside..." he took the container again and brought it over the counter. 

The table remained silent, only the sound of utensils clattering field the room as Youngjae took portions of the sticky dessert and placed them on saucers. He each served the occupants excluding himself and opted for a glass of water. 

"Hello, Youngjae," the man greeted. Youngjae bowed his head in acknowledgement and muttered a simple hello. "My name is Kang Sanghyeon. I am one of Korean Arts High School's faculty and I am here to personally tell you that you passed the screening."

Youngjae's eyes widened in surprise and his eyes whipped towards his silent parents, mouth agape. "R-really?!"

"Yes, and if you are still interested, we can process your papers and officially enroll you." 

"Thank you so much," Youngjae bowed gratefully as he beamed at the man. His heart was beating so fast and tears began to swell at the corner of his eyes. He turned to his parents and saw the proud look they shared. "But, you didn't have to come all the way here just to tell me I passed," he added. Don't misunderstand. Youngjae is ecstatic but he thought it might seem like a bother to travel all the way to his hometown. "An email would've sufficed."

Sanghyeon only sighed, but it wasn't out of frustration nor annoyance. If anything, he looked relieved. "It's not just that, Youngjae," he began, resting his arms over the table as he locked his gaze with the younger’s. "You are also chosen to be a scholar of our institution. This is a discussion that could not be covered in just an email."

No, that was too good to be true. Youngjae felt so light headed and overwhelmed. He heart was beating to the point it hurts. Part of him believed that it was only a dream; a teasing nightmare that will remind him of what he could have achieved if he only did his best, then he'll find himself waking up in his room; in reality. Another part of him wanted to bask in that fake reality, proud and happy of himself. Some small part of him, like really small, felt hopeful that he'll get to meet that stranger once again. Youngjae felt like he owed him, at the very least, a Thank you. 

"But I have to remind you, this is not going to be easy for you."

Youngjae's happy trail immediately ended. His eyes focused back on the man before him and he solely tried to focus on his next words. "What do I have to do?" 

Sanghyeon smiled. "Do as any other student would do," he shrugged, confusing Youngjae. "Pass your monthly evaluations. Not just pass it, you need to at least exceed the average percentage of performance."

Youngjae swallowed thickly. He knew even if Kang Sanghyeon didn't say it. Korean Arts High School will not hesitate to drop a student if they were to perform below their best. It is a training school after all. He knew he wouldn't have it easy, not that he was planning to ride the privilege or anything. This is not something he can fluke again, and from this on, Youngjae promised himself to focus on his goals. 

"Of course, being a scholar has its benefits," Sanghyeon turned to Youngjae's parents as he began to explain their gains. "Youngjae will have free access to our studios as long as it is within school hours. He is also given a room in our school dorms and free tuition fee as well. To put it simply, anything Youngjae needs within reason will be provided by the school. Rest assured, he will be safe and secure under our care." 

"Is he allowed to visit us on his free days?" Youngjae's mother asked. Her heart aches at the thought of Youngjae so far away from them but she knew this is what he wanted. She needed to be a supportive mother towards her son. 

Sanghyeon gave them a sad smile. "I apologize but I cannot guarantee that. His schedule will depend on our teachers and most of the time, we try to utilize our time to its maximum capacity. Youngjae has the choice whether he will visit you or not, as long as he informs the school beforehand."

"And if he gets unwell?" Youngjae's father asked, tone firm and deep. 

It's not that he does not support Youngjae, but he will not risked his youngest son's well-being. That boy of his may be a stubborn brat at times but he is just as vulnerable behind closed doors. He needs the reassurance that Youngjae will be fine, and as a parent, Youngjae is and will forever be their priority.

"I can assure you that we will inform you first and you have the authority to visit Youngjae or send him back home," Sanghyeon promised.

Youngjae was silent the entire time they negotiated. He was still overflowing with emotions and gratitude. He was finally taking a step towards his dream. He knew he shouldn't have lost hope. He knew he should've been patient. After all the small talk, Youngjae profusely thanked the man and promised to do his best. Sanghyeon only gave him a smile and a nod, bidding his goodbye as he waited for a cab. Youngjae hugged his parents tightly and his mother called his siblings back home to celebrate. 

That night, Youngjae shared his elation with his family. They couldn't be any more proud than they were now. Youngjae slept peacefully with an eased mind and calm heart. The next morning, he received an email that told him of the date of his transfer to the dorms. Even if he still had a week left, Youngjae packed his belongings and individually told his friends about his transfer. It was bittersweet. Youngjae knows that he will miss them and promised to keep in contact. 

The rest of the week continued to pass by. His parents began to smother him as the day of his departure gets nearer and at his last night with them, Youngjae and his mother had a heart to heart talk. He shed his tears and poured out the fears he kept restraining the moment he realized what he was getting him into. His mother only held him tightly and rained playful kisses on his face.

"Don't cry. We are so proud of you," she whimpered and tried to wipe the hot wetness flowing down Youngjae's cheeks; completely disregarding her own. "If it gets too hard, just tell us, okay?" 

"I won't disappoint you, mom," Youngjae sobbed.

"Shh, it's okay. Just do what you do best," she murmured as he kissed her son's forehead. "You have us here, in our home. We will wait for you." She cupped Youngjae's cheeks and grinned widely at him, tears beginning to stream down her own eyes. 

"Thank you, mom." 

"We'll be here for you. We love you." 

Youngjae wished the week had gone slowly. It felt as though he didn't spend enough time with his family, it seemed too short and uneventful. It’s like he had yet to make the best of it. When Youngjae came downstairs, his parents were already at the porch. Youngjae's elder brother helped him bring his suitcase down while his sister prepared some homemade snacks for him to enjoy the entire trip. Sanghyeon once again, personally picked him up and offered to drive him to the dorms. 

"Bye Mom, Dad," Youngjae pulled them in a tight hug, placing a kiss on his mother and sister's cheeks before turning to his father and brother for a hug.

After saying their goodbyes, Youngjae loaded his bags in the trunk before joining Sanghyeon inside the car. "I do hope we will be able to help you hone your talent, Youngjae."

"Thank you for giving me the chance to be in your care," Youngjae politely replied.

"It's our job," Sanghyeon chuckled. "It's best for you to rest. We have a long drive ahead of us and I hope you can cope well in our environment. I'm telling you now, no one will be kind enough to lend you a hand so don't count on it. Although we do promote camaraderie and professionalism, the world you are about to enter has a eat or be eaten system. Anything and everything can be a competition."

Youngjae swallowed thickly and nodded. Although he was already aware of that, hearing it from someone who firsthand witnessed it is even more nerve-wrecking. He sincerely hopes that he can make through the first semester, or at the very least, the first monthly evaluation. He was given a chance everyone else clamors for, he will not waste it again. Other than that, Youngjae wishes to meet that stranger again. As weird as it sounds, Youngjae still have the water bottle; nearly empty and a bit worn out from the time he played with it.

When Youngjae woke up, he was immediately greeted by sight of brick walls and flowery garden. The season of spring finally began, along with Youngjae's new start. 

Just like the season, he will be reborn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 01/21/20 
> 
> Did I mention that this is a slow burn? No? Okay, this is a slow burn.


	4. Chapter 4

It was finally the start of a new school year. Youngjae nervously fiddled with the buttons of his navy blue blazer. He stood stifly in front of his mirror before fixing his messy, black hair. He smiled to himself, only to frown at how tensed he looked.

"It's your first day, don't be gloomy," he scolded himself. He sighed and fixed his tie again before turning away. 

Youngjae grabbed his bag and made sure to lock his room before leaving the building. He stuck his earphones in his ears as he walked towards the school, not minding the other students walking along his path. Youngjae wasn't exactly shy, he did try to make friends the entire time he stayed at the dorm, but his neighbors didn't seem so fond of him so he stopped. He didn't want to bother anyone and it felt like he was invading their space, so he respected their distance though it didn't hurt any less. 

As the school building grew closer, his heart began to pound again. Excitement streamed through his nerves and a giddy smile made its way to his face. Although it's not the first time he entered the school, he was still fascinated by it. Streamers and welcoming words greeted their entrance as they were led into an auditorium for their opening ceremony. Trophies and certificates adored the halls and glasses cases, students alike admired the recognition and hoped one day, their names would make it into the list of honor. 

"Welcome young students..." the president greeted. 

Youngjae kept his smile all throughout. However, he immediately lost interest and began looking around in hopes of seeing a familiar face. Well, Youngjae did spot a few but they were only students he saw during the screening and it seemed to him like they weren't interested to talk. Youngjae hung his head low and released a sigh. The room was too hot, the students were buzzing too much, and no one seemed to be paying attention to what the president was saying. He didn't know how much more of this he can handle, he just wish it to be over. 

"Music Room 34," Youngjae muttered as he searched through the hallway. 

After one and a half hour, Youngjae was finally able to breathe properly. Currently, he was looking for his classroom. He wasn't exactly lost, having taken advantage of his early approval within school premises, he explored the nick and cranny of the building. To say he was amazed by the facilities would be an understatement, and he had easy access on them too. But anyway, he needed to look out for the room numbers since every door looks exactly the same. He didn't want any first day funny episodes, thank you very much. 

"Good Morning," Youngjae greeted as he peeked through the door. 

Students near the door turned to him only to focus back on their new group of people. The room didn't have any desks or chairs, instead, wooden benches served as their furniture. A choir podium was pushed at the back of the room with a music stand in front of the conductor's podium. Shelves were filled with books of music, arts, and literature. And the walls were painted with flowing music notes and quotes of famous composers. 

Yoingjae searched around the room, beaming at the sight of an empty bench at the middle. He took off his coat and dropped his bag on the floor before taking a seat. Youngjae fiddled with his hands out of boredom. He didn't know anyone and he had nothing to do. Not a minute past when a guy suddenly tapped his shoulder.

"Excuse me," he greeted softly, hand still on Youngjae's shoulder.

"Uh, yes?" Youngjae replied and straightened his back. 

"Is someone sitting beside you?" 

Youngjae jumped slightly and scooted at the very edge of the bench. "No, feel free to take it," he said with a smile and offered the vacant space. 

The guy smiled and accepted the offer, leaving a respectable distance between them. "Thank you, my name is Kang Daniel."

"Hello, my name is Choi Youngjae, nice to meet you," they exchanged polite bows and went on to their business. They weren't awkward but at least the comfortable silence made them relax. Youngjae didn't want to admit it but he was still feeling the pressure of being with these students. And it seems as though it won't be going away anytime soon. 

Few moments later, an adult finally entered the room. She was tall and lean, sharp eyed and red lipped. Her face was solemn, gaze piercing through them. Youngjae immediately averted his eyes away from her's. She cleared her throat and leaned against her desk. 

"Come up here in front if you want to pass, get out if you can't sing," she said, eyes searching around the room. She let out an exasperated sigh and made her way to the middle of the room. "My name is Kim Heewon and I will be your Vocal instructor. I don't want cowards in my class and I certainly don't want failures. Get a grade below my standards and you are immediately dropped. Am I understood?"

Silence

"Am I understood?" She repeated more firmly, earning a chorus of approval. She huffed roughly and suddenly spun on her heels. "If that's how it is, show me what you got. Let's see why you are accepted in this school; right here, right now."

She plopped herself on the space in the bench, instantly making the students squirm. She clapped her hands sassily and flicked her short hair. It was silent for a moment, confused and lost students exchanging glances towards each other. The instructor raised her eyebrows in confusion before she clicked her tongue in annoyance. 

"Did you pass this school gluing your mouths?" She scowled. She could already feel the impending headache making its way. She inhaled sharply and let out an exaggerated huff. The female stood up and faced her students, scanning the room silently until her eyes landed on a familiar silent young man. Her eyes narrowed skeptically.

Youngjae had been keeping his head down in hopes of avoiding any attention. Last night, Sanghyeon came to his room to give him one last warning, a little note Youngjae promised himself to always keep in mind. 

Youngjae was scared, honestly. He didn't know what could ever happen to him. He knew he won't have it easy but that little reminder just slapped him in the face just how troublesome his situation is. Other than that, he's not also the type to like being in an unecessary spotlight. He knew that once he starts to gain attention, he won't like what comes after. Youngjae hoped for a clear path towards his future, he didn't want anything too big nor extravagant; just a simple life where he could help people through his music. Unfortunately for him, God didn't blessed him with an easy path. Instead, he got a rough and bumpy road ahead of him. 

Youngjae flinched in surprise when a pair of red heels stopped within his eyesight. Heart jumping up and hands going clammy, he raise his head and was met an unimpressed glare. Manicured fingers caught his chin, tilting his head in all sorts of direction to examine his profile. He swallowed thickly and sat there with baited breath until she released her hold. 

"How surprising that you made it in my class, Choi Youngjae," she whispered, tone going low and slow. All eyes were on them now, wide yet curious at the one-sided interaction. "Why don't you show us what made you so special to get accepted in this school," she prompted, a snobbish smile written on her face.

Youngjae was confused. He's not exactly sure what was asked of him. Of course he needed to sing, that much was very obvious but what he couldn't understand was why did it have to happen on the first day? He couldn't think straight, his chest began to contract and his legs began to get busy. 

"Go on," she swayed her hand towards the front, prompting the other students to follow her gaze. Youngjae caught Kang Daniel watching him with worried eyes, equally feeling intimidated. 

Youngjae stood on shaky legs and began to take a step forward. His words were stuck in his throat and suddenly, facing his new classmates felt suffocating. These were the people whom he competed with during the first break of winter, the people who fought for their spots with their perfect talent while he was given the chance to take a short cut-- No, he shouldn't think like that. He needed to perform _perfectly_ this time. He can't mess it up again. This was an opportunity presented to him personally, he can't go back home after all those months of agonizingly waiting for an answer. 

"My name in Choi Youngjae and I am from Mokpo. I hope we can all get along," he greeted and bowed his body respectfully. Youngjae stood stiffly before he cleared his throat. 

His lips parted to let the words out, only to shut them close within just a split second. Honestly, he didn't know what to sing. It was tensed as he thought for any melody to sing, but nothing seem to come to mind. Unknowingly, he was humming a tune, his lips tightly shut and eyes blindly staring at the ceiling in hopes of thinking his way out of this. He was snapped out of his thoughts when the instructor suddenly clapped her hands once.

"2nd row, middle column," she said, gruffly. 

"Excuse me?" He muttered, dumbfounded. 

"Take a sit," she ordered. 

Youngjae hurriedly sprinted back to his sit and blinked twice. Daniel gave him a double thumbs and he returned an awkward smile. The instructor pointed another student again, who sang a song this time. Youngjae was impressed with her vocals and she carried herself with confidence and pride. 

"1st row, middle column," the instructor said again. Youngjae was somewhat confused but didn't question further.

The entire duration of the period continued like that. Someone would sing up front and then the instructor would mutter numbers, and proceed to the next. Youngjae and Daniel somewhat shared a silent agreement not to talk until the class was over. When it was Daniel's turn, Youngjae was mesmerized by his voice; soft yet a little sexy when he lowers his pitch. He's got amazing stage presence too, singing his heart out like that was his only purpose. 

And for some reason, Youngjae felt a pang in his chest. 

The last girl finally ended her song, receiving the same answer as everyone else. The instructor finally stood up and faced them, face void of any expression. "Head to your positions," she ordered.

Youngjae's eyebrows shot up in confusion as students began to stand up and head at the back of the room. He followed reluctantly and dumbly stood at the front of the podium while the other scrambled for their spot. He felt another tap on his shoulder and faced Daniel's smiling face.

"What are you standing there for? You don't want to be told off, do you?" He teased.

Youngjae laughed warily and averted his gaze. "I don't know what to do...?" He shrugged, making it seem more like a question. 

Daniel was taken aback but he didn't mock the other and only nodded his head in understanding. "What did she say to you?"

Youngjae thought for a moment. "I think it was 2nd row, middle column."

"Oh, you're just behind me," Daniel chuckled and led Youngjae by his arm. 

He gently pushed Youngjae to the second step of the podium, and then stood in front of him. Youngjae looked around curiously and noticed that the number of students on the first step were lesser compared to where he was. The third step was even more crowded. His brows furrowed before his attention snapped back to the instructor.

"From this day on, this will be your arrangement in my class," she tilted her head and eyed sternly. "If you want to change your positions, then work hard for it..." A smirk crept its way to her lips. "Every month, there's a chance for you to stand in the front or at the back, depending on how well you perform." 

She let out a chortle at the students closer to her. "If you want to keep your places, then don't fall behind. In this class, there is no such thing as zero improvement. If you are still at the back row for three consecutive evaluations, then you will be dropped."

"What?! No, you can't do that," a girl from the third row vocalized.

"You can't do it?" The instructor questioned, instantly shutting the girl down. "You may not know this but every instructor here has every right to drop a student if they don't meet the school's standards. Did you think that passing the screening was enough?!" She stomped her heeled foot down and pointed at them with her baton. "You won't make it as an artist out there. That is a cruel world you are about to enter. Don't think for a minute that things will go your way."

Youngjae listened intently at her words. His fists clenched at his side and his eyes burned with raw emotions. The instructor's gaze met his, smirking at his will for not turning away. Her amusement instantly dropped when she faced her students again, tapping her baton against the music stand. 

"Now, let's see who among you will make it up front."

Youngjae knew from the start it won't be easy. His fears of failure and disappointment ate his passion without him knowing. In his head, the need to survive only remained. He was completely unaware of the struggles he was about to face, having this as his peak of the iceberg only. On the first day of his school, Youngjae lost his true purpose, only to find a new one that he has yet to face- better yet, meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 01/26/20


	5. Chapter 5

Youngjae sighed in relief as he exited the classroom, that annoying school bell ringing above his head. It's only been the first day and yet he was already exhausted. The school was definitely filled with various personalities and each one making the next weirder. Though, he honestly had fun. He and Daniel gossiped after their Vocal Training class and after that, they met another guy, Kim Jaehwan, in their English class.

The guy was talkative, like very talkative but something about him made Youngjae relax and pay attention. Jaehwan was just so bright and bubbly, and he and Daniel clicked off quite well. Youngjae suspected they'd be very close by the time the week ends. Not to mention that they share almost the same interests. Youngjae was glad his day ended with the other two.

"See you tomorrow, Youngjae!" Jaehwan bid, waving his hand rather enthusiastically with his wide smile and disappearing eyes.

Daniel only chuckled and smiled at Youngjae. "Bye."

"Bye, see you tomorrow!" Youngjae bid as well as he took the opposite direction.

Youngjae can already feel the excitement tickling him. He made it through the day and even made friends. He hummed a tune as he walked down to the corridor mindlessly, or not. Honestly, he was thinking about what to eat for dinner. Sure, the school gave him free accommodations and tuition, however, personal allowance was something he had to deal with. His parents and siblings will send him money every month, so he had to budget what amount he has. So far, he fell in love with that little shop not too far from school. They sell good noodles and amazing kimchi, plus the auntie was very friendly and often gave him extras in exchange for pinching his cheeks.

"Bibimbap sounds good--" Youngjae paused when he passed by a half-opened door to a studio.

Mind going blank for a split second, he retracted his steps and paused in front of the entrance. Hesitantly, he reached out and quietly peeked inside, only to withdraw with how dark and gloomy the room was.

"Hello, is anyone here?" He whispered shakily. His eyes roamed inside the dark room, freezing in fear when he saw his reflection staring back at him. But that's not the cause of his fear, it's the fact that there was a figure standing behind him.

"What are you doing?"

"Waaaaaaahhhhh!" Youngjae screamed and hastily backed away, only to trip on his own feet and fall. At the back of his head, the voice sounded familiar, but oh well, the things fear can do to you.

The guy could only stare at him in worry.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

Currently, they both settled on the floor after Youngjae fell on his bum. He looked down on the waxed floor and pursed his lips. When the lights turned on, a face he was hoping to see appeared right in front of him, only this time, his dark hair was now longer at the fringes and nape. Youngjae could only gape. No wonder the voice sounded so familiar and something in his chest fluttered to life. A flash of recognition also crossed the stranger's eyebefore he helped the fallen boy up. 

  
"It's okay, I shouldn't have pried," Youngjae dismissed with a smile. "Is there something on my face?" He asked when he noticed the other man staring at him intently.

The stranger seemed to snap out of his stupor and sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sorry but you just seem familiar. Have we met before?"

Youngjae heart rate spiked for a split second before he was able to calm it back down. "Actually, we have," he answered, praising himself for not overreacting like an excited puppy or something.

The guy's eyes widen for a brief moment. "We have? When?"

Youngjae mindlessly glide his hand on the smooth floor and smiled to himself. "December 12, during the first screening."

The guy- honestly, Youngjae was tired of referring to him as 'the guy- was deep in thought as if he was digging something deep in his memory box. His feline eyes widen and he stared at Youngjae in bewilderment.

"Oh! You were that nervous wreck!"

Ouch. Wow. That was something.

"Uh... yes, I was," Youngjae chuckled blandly and averted his eyes.

"Wow, good for you," the guy clasped his shoulder before leaning back on his arms, eyeing Youngjae with bright eyes and smiles. "Though, now that I think about it, I never got your name."

"Choi Youngjae."

"Im Jaebum."

Im Jeabum, he was finally able to put a name on the face he regularly kept thinking of. Youngjae felt a profound sense of comfort. He gave Jaebum a smile, one where his eyes expresses it more than his lips which the latter returned. It was silent between the two of them. It wasn't exactly uncomfortable but it was a tad bit awkward. Youngjae used to imagine a thousand scenarios in his head on how his conversation with Jaebum would go. Now that he was in front of this man did his brain decide to shut down.

"So, how was your first day so far?"

Youngjae was pulled out of his trance by the question. His lips pursed and his finger unconsciously swept his fringes off his eyes, a gesture that went unnoticed by Jaebum. "Well, it was what I expected it to be...?" Youngjae muttered.

"Fun?"

"...scary."

Jaebum's brows furrowed deeply, making Youngjae think he might have said something wrong. He was about to apologize when Jaebum let out a breathy chuckle and fell on his back, eyes staring directly at the soft orange lights over their heads.

"I get you. It is a bit scary at first but you'll get use to it," he said and turned on his side, locking his dark eyes with Youngjae's brown pairs. "What department are you from?"

"Music Department," Youngjae pulled his knees close to his chest and hugged them together. "You?"

"Dancing," Jaebum laughed.

"That must be tiring," Youngjae sympathized weakly. A sad smile crept to his lips as he blankly stared at the floor.

"It is," Jaebum sighed and slowly closed his eyes, savoring the calmness between them. "But if it's something you love, then it's worth it."

Youngjae hummed and rest his head on his knees. For someone as young as him, he failed to realize just how important that answer was for him. For him it was as plain as any answer could be without knowing the weight it holds against Jaebum's sincerity. It was not something he could come to understand as of yet, since he had not experienced what Jaebum went through. However, ignorance is a bliss. Sometimes the things innocence can do might not be always for the best.

"I bet it's nothing compared to yours, right?"

Youngjae's eyes fluttered open at the sudden inquiry. "What do you mean?"

"From what I heard, the Music Department's vocal instructors are pretty strict-" the sudden image of his vocal instructor flashed in his mind and Youngjae shuddered at his first experience with her. "-good luck with them."

Youngjae could only sigh and nodded his head stiffly. "Thanks."

He finally looked over the latter and took in his current state of clothing. Jaebum was currently out of his school uniform, wearing a black hoodie and a pair of sweatpants instead. He sat up and pulled a black headband from his pocket and slipped it under the fringes of his hair before beginning to reach for the tips of his shoes. Youngjae was confused until he realized what the other was doing.

"Are you here to practice? I'm so sorry for disturbing you," Youngjae hastily stood up and pulled his bag, only to be pulled back down on his bum. He cringed in pain but immediately brushed it off when Jaebum mumbled an apology.

"Hey, calm down. It's nothing," Jaebum said and released his hold. "I haven't even started yet so you didn't disturb anything, Youngjae."

His name sounds surprisingly pleasant when being called by the latter. However, Youngjae still refused to stay. He already caused enough disturbance and he had a feeling that profusely apologizing will only lengthened his stay and end up having a pointless banter with Jaebum. He nibbled on his lips and stood up, more composed than before. "Still, I better get going. I'm pretty sure I already took more of your time--"

"Not that I minded though," Jaebum interrupted with a shrug.

Youngjae chose to ignore his side comment and merely bowed his head. "Uhm, good luck in whatever it is your practicing for," he chuckled playfully and began to turn on his heel.

Jaebum smirked and only shook his head in amusement. "See you around, Youngjae."

"Bye, Jaebum," Youngjae waved and reached for the door, only to freeze at Jaebum's following words.

"Hyung," he said out of nowhere.

"What?"

"It's Jaebum hyung, I'm older than you."

 _What?_ Youngjae nodded vigorously and dashed out of the studio. He can't believe he spoke to a senior so informally and even called him by his first name without any sort of honorifics. Youngjae thought he was a freshman too, a boy who was about to join the school's screening just like him. In the first place, Jaebum wasn't wearing a school uniform during the exam unlike other students who tried to intimidate them, so Youngjae is not to blame for mistaking him as an examinee as well.

Oh, the mortification he had to go through. He can already feel the heat rise to his cheeks.

"Oh my god," he harshly swore in English as he pried his door open.

Youngjae threw his bag on the foot of the bed before collapsing face first on the mattress, groaning in despair. He laid there motionless for quite some time he could be mistaken to be asleep but then he turned on his side and burrowed on the soft pillows bashfully. At the corner of his vision, he spotted the barely empty plastic bottle on his bedside drawer, instantly recalling the first day he met Jaebum.

He can't deny that he half expected to be close to Jaebum, even thinking of befriending him but knowing he was older and on a different department, it might limit their interactions more. Sure, it was apparent how comfortable they are with each other but Youngjae feared to cross an invisible line between them and ruin his chances of friendship with the elder.

Jaebum had this rather cold vibe around him, plus his eyes made him more scary. His voice sounds firm and a little too unique that Youngjae's description can't even do it some justice. He's got broad shoulders and a tall frame, he could easily look down on anyone. Plus, his smirk -oh that smirk- made him look arrogant and smug but in reality, the guy is just probably pulling a joke. Despite the impression Jaebum gave him, Youngjae still felt the need of closure towards Jaebum. He isn't asking for Jaebum's favor or good praises but Youngjae thought he might be someone who'll set a good foundation for him.

However, what he couldn't understand was why did it had to be Jaebum?

"Ah, I didn't even get to thank him properly." He muttered drowsily and rubbed his cheek on his pillow. "Maybe I can do it again tomorrow." Soon, his eyes began to grow heavy until they closed and his consciousness was finally put to rest after a long day.

Unfortunately, that tomorrow kept on extending to the next day, to the next, to the next day until Youngjae could no longer muster the will to say it.


	6. Chapter 6

Youngjae fidgeted in his sit as his instructor paced up front with his class record in hand. The old man would constantly look over the class as he called out names in pair but to Youngjae, it felt like he was throwing daggers towards him. 

"Kang Daniel and Lee Dabin." 

From the corner of his eyes, Youngjae noticed Daniel and Dabin exchange glances and mouthed something towards each other. Jaehwan was already discussing something with Jung Yerin and the duo seemed to be delighted at their setup. Youngjae could only hope that he'd be with someone less snobby and nosy. 

"Park Sooyoung and..." Youngjae swore from Heaven and Hell that the instructor glared at him for real this time. "Choi Youngjae." 

Youngjae's hands under his desk, clenched his pants as the class record was snapped close. Murmurs filled the room and eyes were instantly on him. Youngjae could already feel the pressure weigh on his shoulders and he dared turn to Sooyoung, blinking twice when he saw her wave at him with a gentle smile. 

Honestly, he didn't know why he half expected her to glare at him or warn him not to mess up. After all, it was no secret that Sooyoung was one of the class' Golden student and to be paired with someone as average as Youngjae would surely give birth to an issue all around their batch. 

"Now, for your information, you were paired based on your compatibility. Whether it's a good or bad kind, that's for you to find out," the instructor chuckled dryly and began to pass sheets of paper around. "This is the piece that has been decided by both Mrs. Kim and I. You will perform this piece by Friday, and have the choice to re-arrange it or perform it as is. You will be graded accordingly and fairly. I don't have to tell you what happens if you don't perform to our satisfaction, do I?"

That was just another blow to Youngjae's bundle of nerves. In the back of his head, he knew told himself to just take it seriously and perform it the best way he can but another part of him feared that he might drag Sooyoung with him. Youngjae knew he can do it, but the question was if it's enough. After the professor left, Youngjae hesitantly approached Sooyoung who was already surrounded by her friends. 

"Oh, hey Youngjae!" Sooyoung greeted and began to gather her things.

Youngjae ignored the captious looks and greeted her with the same gentle greeting. "Hey, I hope I'm not interrupting something."

One of Sooyoung's peers opened her mouth but Sooyoung beat her into it. "No, I was just about to get you. Do you want to have lunch now or should we start planning?" 

Youngjae found it amusing how she just took her leave without even glancing back, not even a single bid of farewell or wait up was left on her trails. Youngjae wondered if she even bothered with those girls. Sooyoung was not really a soft spoken type of girl but she wasn't rude either. If anything, she was far from being ill-mannered. For the two weeks that Youngjae had known her, his impression was that she's straightforward and little humorous. However, he was still intimidated by her overwhelming aura as a performer.

"I'm a little hungry myself so maybe we can have a meal?" Youngjae laughed sheepishly. 

Sooyoung smiled and nodded in return. "Me too. Ahh, I really want to eat ramyeon and tteokbeoki!" She pouted. "Should we meet after class?" 

Youngjae glanced at her then down at his worn out watch. "Okay," he nodded.

Sooyoung beamed at him before bidding him goodbye to meet with Jeongyeon and Hayoung from the Performing Arts Department. Youngjae watched her go before making his way towards the line. When he got his meal, he looked around for an available table and found Jaehwan waiving enthusiastically for his attention. Youngjae chuckled and made his way towards his friends. 

"Wow, you and Sooyoung already clicked, huh," Daniel teased and wagged his finger towards Youngjae.

Youngjae hummed as he his chocolate drink. "We have to. I mean, we'll be together for most of the time. What's wrong with that?" 

"I'm surprised you're so calm about this. If it were me, I would be too scared to even talk to her," Jaehwan grunted with a hint of mockery. 

"I was too, at first," Youngjae agreed. "But she's really cool and even talks to me like she's not above me at all." 

"Good luck to the both of you then," Daniel rest his chin on his hand and pursed his lips. "It seems like that you and Sooyoung will be a better pair than what Mr. Lee expected." 

"Uhm, what?" Youngjae asked.

"Youngjae, it's no secret that almost all the faculty are giving you a hard time. We can all tell and most our classmates are already expecting you to be dropped by the end of the month," Jaehwan whispered harshly, making Youngjae swallow hard.

"They are not exactly being subtle with it too," Daniel rolled his eyes and scoffed. "We think that they set you up with Sooyoung, hoping that the gap between the two of you will be enough to drop you." 

Jaehwan huffed his agreement and took a big bite of his sandwich. "Although, I'm quite curious why our instructors are like that towards you. Did you do something wrong?" 

_Yes_

"No," Youngjae shook his hand and suddenly, he lost his appetite. 

"Wow, then they must be real petty to just target you like that so suddenly," Jaehwan snickered. 

Youngjae could only hum and play with his food. Daniel noticed his lost of energy and felt guilty for scaring their friend like that. He elbowed Jaehwan, who yelped and dropped his chicken wings. Jaehwan, being petty, retaliated and even stole Daniel's pizza slice. Daniel allows him before directing his gaze towards their silent friend. 

Confused, Jaehwan asked out loud. "What?" 

Daniel groaned and clutched Jaehwan's head, twisting it towards Youngjae's slumped figure. He gaped knowingly and nibbled on his lower lip.

"Youn-"

"Youngjae."

Jaehwan's mouth instantly shut closed, only to drop back down again when he recognize the person occupying Youngjae's side. Youngjae, on the other hand, instantly lit up at the sight of the new presence.

"Jaebum," he smiled. 

"What's wrong? You look a little dejected there," Jaebum frowned and even pushed Youngjae's kimbap towards him.

Youngjae grinned weakly and ate the roll. "It's fine." When Jaebum eyed him skeptically, he waved the elder dismissively and pursed his lips. "It's unusual to see you this time of the day," he muttered. 

Jaebum was taken aback and looked at himself when he noticed Youngjae eyeing him from head to toe. Honestly, it was the first time Youngjae seen the elder in his uniform: white button down completely open with his inner white shirt only seen, blazer and necktie missing and he was wearing black converse instead of the standard black shoes. But then again, Jaebum was a dancer and as far as he was aware, dancers prefer comfortable footwear. 

"What? I was hungry," Jaebum shrugged coolly and took a sip of his strawberry milk. 

"Hey, Jaebum! Class is starting in 5 minutes!" A guy yelled from the door.

Jaebum instantly stood up, bumping his knee on the table and making him yelp out a curse. Youngjae flinched at his sudden jolt and stared at him like he said something scandalous. Jaebum disregarded the throbbing pain on his muscle and made a move to catch up on his friend.

"See you around," he waved then pointed at the silent duo across Youngjae. "You two as well."

Youngjae waved at him with his mouth stuffed with hotdog. As soon as Jaebum was out of sight, Jaehwan and Daniel sprang into action. 

"You know Im Jaebum?!" He exclaimed, body halfway across the table.

"Uh, yes? Why are you like that?" Youngjae pointed, most likely creeped out of his wits. 

"Youngjae, do you even know who he is?" Daniel asked, voice laced with worry and a hint of panic.

"Not really. I mean, we don't really have that kind of close friendship," he answered innocently.

"Im Jaebum is basically a living legend of our generation!" Jaehwan groaned and pointed an accusing finger towards the other.

"I'm confuse," Youngjae deadpanned. 

"Have you heard of JYP's open audition?" Daniel leaned on the table and took a bite of his and Jaehwan's shared pizza slice. When Youngjae nodded, he continued. "You know that it's only been 4 years since it was established, right?"

"As any other competition, there could only be one winner," Jaehwan quoted dramatically and finished the rest of Daniel's pizza. 

"But 2 years ago, for the first time since the open audition began, 2 first placers were declared as champions," Daniel continued. "And guess who the other one is." 

"Rumors had it that they were recruited to be trainees by JYP," Jaehwan interruption came out muffled with his mouth full of pizza. "Till now, those two were the only pair to win together." 

Youngjae nodded, albeit still lost. Of course, everyone must've heard of that survival competition. As far as he knows, joining there increases the chances of getting recruited by agencies and might even get the chance to catch JYP's attention himself. However, he didn't hear any of these from Jaebum, not that he had any obligation to inform Youngjae everything going on in his life. Was that the reason why people kept on gawking whenever Jaebum was around him?

Youngjae wasn't dumb, he noticed people staring whenever he was with the elder. At first he thought it was because people recognized him to be that country dude that fluked his screening, but he guessed he was too full of himself to think people would even talk about him. In spite of this, Youngjae was still surprised that Jaebum achieved something as big as that, and he was a first year around that time too. 

"Youngjae!" 

Youngjae was pulled out of his senseless thought when Daniel shook his arm. He stuttered and blink when the other two eyed him with worry.

"Man, I hope we didn't make you conscious of yourself," Jaehwan muttered apologetically. 

The rest of the day went uneventful, or maybe because Youngjae wasn't really paying attention to the happenings around him. To him, everyone was a blur of passing time, bustling voices and shadowed figures. His head was all over the place yet nowhere at the same time. He was only pulled out of his trance when the bell rang and Sooyoung was already by his desk, waiting for him. 

"Youngjae, are you okay?" Sooyoung asked, her brows furrowed in worry.

Youngjae blinked and nodded his head. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said and began to collect his things. "Sorry, let's go."

Although she remained silent, Sooyoung was still worried. She didn't question it when Youngjae excused himself and entered the Dean's office, leaving her to wait outside. When he came out, he ushered her again and they trudged towards the studio hallways. She was even more surprised when Youngjae had a key to access the room. 

"Take your shoes off," he said as he followed his own words, setting his shoes at the rack. 

"How did you manage to gain their permission?" She awed as she slipped her shoes off. "I thought we are only allowed here during classes?"

Youngjae froze for a second before collecting himself again, though it wasn't left unnoticed by the lady. Youngjae bit his lips and walked to the center of the studio. 

"Well, we can actually use the studios if we ask for the Dean's permission," he reasoned, biting his tongue at the blatant lie. 

"Okay," Sooyoung huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Let's say that it's plausible," she gave Youngjae an unimpressed stare, making the other shift on his feet.

"Should we start?" Youngjae swallowed thickly as he began to sink on the floor, his hands absently gliding across the smooth surface.

Sooyoung dismissed the issue, for now. She smacked her lips together and joined her partner at the center of the room, taking out the music sheets as soon as she sat. Youngjae took his time reading through the lyrics, already feeling nerves setting in. The song was a recent OST hit from the drama Stairway to Heaven and it was sang by none other than Kim Bum Soo.

"Are we really gonna sing this?" He muttered weakly, eyeing his companion with eyes full of anxiety. 

Sooyoung couldn't help but feel sorry for him. She wasn't stupid; Sooyoung was aware of the way the faculty targets Youngjae and although they weren't exactly doing anything malicious or abusive, it was apparent that they kept putting the kid under pressure. Youngjae was a great guy. Even though he always muttered that he couldn't do it or that it was hard in the end, he still completes the task. He was a hard worker through and through, and Sooyoung was actually looking forward for their partnership. 

"Hey, it's okay," she said and gently pried the papers off his hands. "We just have to perform the best way we can." 

Youngjae nodded, but his eyes were completely focused on the notes scribbled on the music sheets. They decided to listen to the original version first, almost falling in the depths of the melody and lyrics. Afterwards, Youngjae decided to sing the first verse while Sooyoung took notes. 

"You know, the song fits so well with your voice," Sooyoung suddenly blurted out. 

"You think so?" Youngjae replied and took a big gulp of his water. 

"Hm-mm," she hummed and scribbled something on the sheets again. "Let's try singing the first chorus together." 

Youngjae opened his mouth to warm his vocal chords when the door suddenly opened. Jaebum froze by the entrance when he spotted Youngjae and a female stranger sitting by the floor. His gaze locked with the younger man's and he relayed a smile towards him.

"Oh, did I interrupt something?" He questioned with a chuckle as he closed the door. 

"Hyung," Youngjae checked the clock above the door and found that it was already pass 5:30. "I hadn't realized it was already this late."

"It seems so," Jaebum laughed and settled himself a little further away from them. "Who's your friend?" He asked when he realized that the girl with Youngjae began to look around awkwardly. 

"Ohh-ah. This is my classmate, Park Sooyoung," Youngjae pointed. "Sooyoung, this is Jaebum."

"It's nice to meet you," she bowed.

"Nice to meet you too," Jaebum smiled. 

"Ah, Sooyoung is it okay for us to end it here?" Youngjae inquired. "Jaebum is about to use the studio."

"Oh, right. Sure, we can," she agreed hastily and hurriedly collected her belongings. She didn't want to admit it but Jaebum kind of intimidated her. With his feline like eyes, thin lips and tall height, she felt small and scrutinized by his gaze. 

"Are you guys preparing for something? It's okay for you to continue. The room is big enough." Jaebum stood up and began to stretch his body.

"No, it's okay. I think we've been here for too long," Sooyoung waved her hand dismissively and grimaced at her immediate refusal. 

Youngjae pursed his lips and turned to Sooyoung. Truth to be told, he didn't want to leave yet. He wasn't satisfied with what they have done and Jaebum offering them a place to continue their activities was too good to waste. However, he also didn't want to put Sooyoung to anymore discomfort. They existed the room and Youngjae took initiative to walk her towards the school doors.

"Are you going back?" Sooyoung asked when she noticed Youngjae standing by the door.

Hesitantly, Youngjae nodded. "Yeah. I really want to practice more but I also don't want to bother my neighbors tonight."

Sooyoung's lips pursed and she nodded. "Okay, but don't overwork yourself. You're already doing good more than you think you do."

And that was just it. Doing better does not equal a good performance. Sooyoung left without hearing Youngjae's internal conflict. The young man continued his steps towards Jaebum's studio. He quietly entered and sat on the back, watching the way Jaebum practice his rhythm and footwork, their eyes constantly meeting through the mirror yet no words were spoken. 

Youngjae wondered where Jaebum got his drive to work hard so much like this. The way he would stand back up again after failing a hand spin. Or the way he'd count his steps and every mistake he made, cursing out of frustration whenever he kept slipping on the same problen. He practiced until his black sweatshirt was drenched in sweat, tickling down his eyebrows to his eyes and his neck. Youngjae read the lyrics over and over, singing in his head and mindlessly humming the tune but not loud enough to overlapped with Jaebum's beat. They were just two boys practicing in silence; one burning with passion and another with desperation. 

"Youngjae, what do you think of my new move?" Jaebum asked as they walked out of the school.

Youngjae hummed and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I don't know much about dancing but I think you're doing good." 

"Ah, really? I think I should keep practicing my footwork more," Jaebum softly argued and looked down on the paved pathway.

Youngjae's brows furrowed and he grimaced. "Hyung, aren't you tired already? You almost fell asleep awhile ago."

"I am. Believe me, I want to shower so bad right now!" Jaebum whined and even pulled his collar to smell it, cringing in disgust afterwards. 

"Th--"

"But you know, if you have time to improve yourself, you should do it," Jaebum suddenly said, his tone low and deep yet his eyes were completely unfazed as he kept his eyes down on the road. "You never know when you'll the time once you get too caught up with everything else." 

Youngjae kept with mouth shut. He honestly didn't know how to respond to that. They were just talking about their day and suddenly, Jaebum dropped this on him. Should he nod his head or was he expected to give a reply of his own? They parted way when Jaebum took a detour towards a convenience store and Youngjae didn't want to wait for him so he went ahead. When he got back in his room, he laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling blankly. 

"What are you doing, Choi Youngjae?" He muttered and turned on his side, his eyes immediately panning towards the barely empty bottle on his table. 

An idea crossed in his head. Youngjae abruptly got up and snatched the bottle off his table, pouring the contents outside the window and flicking the remaining droplets. He let the bottle dry out while he sat on his desk and began looking for some sticky notes. Once he found it, he began to scribble some words, lips tight and forehead creased.

_03-23-2011_

_You need to work harder and show the best side of you. Practice and keep track of your improvement._

He rolled the paper and used the sticky side to keep it rolled before he dropped it inside the dried bottle. Youngjae didn't think of anything else as he stared at the single neon green paper inside the bottle. He bathed himself and laid on the bed, falling asleep with the bottle as his last image before closing his eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

"Youngjae!"

Youngjae stopped rummaging in his locker and turned to direction of the voice. His face lit up and smile tugged on his lips when he saw Sooyoung coming his way. She had a big smile on her face and she seemed to be very excited about something.

"Yes? Do you need something?" He asked with a small smile.

Sooyoung waved her hand and shook her head. "Mr. Lee just told me that we need to pick up our piece for this week's practical exam," she took hold of Youngjae's shoulder and gently pulled him down to her height and whispered on his ear. "He told me we have a little special privilege for acing last week's performance."

Youngjae's eyes widen and a big smile made its way to his lips. He stared at his partner, who shared his delight and giddily giggled. "That's amazing. Whoa, I hope it's good."

Sooyoung chuckled and nodded. "I hope so, too. Let's meet up after class, is that good?"

Youngjae paused and tried to think of what plans he had for the rest of the afternoon. When none came to mind, he nodded. "I'm okay with it."

"Alright, see you around," she waved and began to step away from Youngjae.

Youngjae watch her leave until she disappeared in the next corner before turning back to his locker.

"So you and Sooyoung, huh."

Youngjae jumped and let out a surprise yelp at the sudden arrival of his next companion. He clutched his chest tightly and snapped his attention towards the direction of the voice, staring at Jaehwan who was equally startled.

"Wah, you scared me," Youngjae whined and slowly relaxed his raised shoulders and arms.

" _You_ scared _me_!" Jaehwan pointed an accusing finger towards him. Youngjae frowned and attempted to bite his finger but Jaehwan immediately drew it back. "Anyway, anything going on between you and our current golden voice?" He leaned on the lockers and crossed his arms over his chest.

Youngjae's brows furrowed in confusion before looking over his shoulders, staring at the direction Sooyoung went to. "Sooyoung and I are partners, remember?"

"You two seem closer than that," Daniel smartly pointed as he stopped by Jaehwan's side.

"I don't really see your point," Youngjae grumbled and began to leave his other book in his locker.

School has been going on for almost one month now and everything seems to be going well for Youngjae. Sure, his other instructors still scare him and his classmates would sometimes point out how lucky he was to be friends with Daniel, a well-known Prodigy, as their instructors proclaim, and paired with Park Sooyoung, who's currently titled as the first year's Golden Voice. But other than that, Youngjae was faring well in his classes.

Last week had been a rollercoaster ride for him, granted he hated rollercoasters. They were able to nail the exam, thanks to Sooyoung's good vocals as well as to Jaebum for letting them utilize the studio however long they wanted. Jaebum would even help them with their breathing exercises although Youngjae wondered how he knew that when he proclaimed that he don't know shit about singing, his exact words.

"What were you two talking about?" Daniel asked when Youngjae finally closed his locker.

Youngjae zipped his bag closed and bounced it over his shoulders. "This week's practical exam," he shrugged and walked ahead, completely oblivious to Jaehwan's and Daniel's gaping.

"Wow, you seem so relax considering this week's exams are going to be big," Jaehwan said.

Youngjae paused on his steps and turned back to them. "What do you mean?"

"Youngjae, it's time for the monthly evaluations."

"Ohh..."

That completely slipped out of his mind.

"Jaebum! I don't know what to do!" Youngjae wailed, lying down on the wooden floors as Jaebum stretched his body.

"You just have to do well, what's difficult about that?" Jaebum asked with one eyebrow raised, casually spreading his legs and reaching for his toes sideways.

Youngjae petulantly huffed and pouted his lips, his eyes half-lidded making his beauty mark stand out. "I'm nervous!"

Jaebum cringed at the loudness that echoed around the studio. "Well, I guess I can understand where you're coming from. I mean, I've been there when I was a first year too." He nodded to himself.

Youngjae perked up and he hastily rolled on his stomach, resting his chin on both of his raised hands. Jeabum was oddly reminded on that little otter's picture that he found on Pinterest the other night. Youngjae's pursed lips and squinted eyes made it more surreal he thought the little creature was truly around.

"What?" Jaebum asked when Youngjae continued to stare at him, suddenly freaked out by his silence although it seemed as though he wanted to say something 

"Hyung, I've been meaning to ask this and I hope I won't make you mad, so please bear with me?"

Jaebum's brows furrowed and he slowly sat up straight to give his full attention to the younger. "Okay, what is it?"

"Did you feel nervous when you auditioned to JYP?" Youngjae's tone was soft and gentle, his eyes full of understanding and patience as he waited for an answer.

Jaebum's curious face slowly morphed into a frown, making Youngjae flinch back and slowly sit up. His eyes were shaky as he warily sat on his legs, hands clutching his pants tightly. Did he just cross a line?

"Sorry," he said, his eyes falling on his lap as he felt shame and embarrassment consume him.

"Huh? What are you apologizing for?" Jaebum exclaimed, eyes wide and mouth agape at Youngjae's slumped form.

"Are you mad at me?" Youngjae answered instead.

"Ah? No! I was just thinking about that day," Jaebum amended, waiving his hand dismissively. "If you wanted to know, then yes. I was very nervous," he chuckled.

Youngjae felt instant relief at both Jaebum's answer and reaction. He honestly felt scared that Jaebum would've kicked him out and never talk to him again. Thankfully, Jaebum took it more in strides.

"How was it then? The audition," Youngjae shifted his position back on the floor and eyed the elder.

"The truth? It was scary," Jaebum followed Youngjae's example and laid on the floor. "My heart was really pounding I thought it might suddenly stop if I talk!"

"Really? I didn't think you'd be the type to get nervous," Youngjae gaped as he stared at the laidback elder.

"What are you talking about? You get nervous, why can't I be?" Jaebum retorted with a snort.

"That's really petty, hyung!" Youngjae playfully whined and accidentally slapped Jaebum's chest, making the elder choke and cough. "Oh, I'm sorry!"

"Ugh, it's fine," Jaebum waved and casually slid his body away from Youngjae's reach. "But you know, you're only nervous if you think you won't get good results."

Jaebum turned on his side, head resting on his upright arm. He stared at Youngjae's innocent eyes, silently trying to see what the younger was searching for; blinking twice and glistening under the orange glow of the light.

"It's okay to think you're lacking but try to see that you are also improving," Jaebum let out a soft sigh, his hand twitching at the sudden urge to pat the younger's head. "Youngjae, do you know what's the problem with you?"

"No..." was Youngjae's quiet reply.

"You are not confident enough," Jaebum whispered, as if that gentle silence between them was fragile and ready to break if he were to speak any louder. "You know you can, but you always doubt if what you're doing is enough."

_No. That's not it._

"I can bet that you thought you passed only because of your partner, right?"

_It's because Sooyoung was good. And better. And perfect._

"You don't need to be perfect, you know," Jaebum sighed, staring at Youngjae with soft yet sad eyes.

"I don't get it," Youngjae mumbled, his head tilting to the left, lips pouting and cheeks a tad bit flushed.

"What do you love the most?" Jaebum asked, sitting up and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Singing?"

"Are you asking me a question?"

"No...?"

"You're not even sure," Jaebum groaned and ran his hand on his messy black hair.

"Sorry...?" Youngjae trailed sheepishly, pressing his palms on his cheeks, which made Jaebum laugh with how adorable he looked.

"Cute." He chuckled, catching Youngjae off guard.

Youngjae, for some reason, felt hot. He can feel the heat radiate from his cheeks to his palms, which just made him more embarrassed. He doesn't usually blush when getting compliments, but it's not everyday that a _guy_ calls him cute. Usually, it's older women who calls him cute, with the exception of his elder brother, of course. Youngjae didn't know how to react to that, unconsciously playing with his ears and avoiding eye contact.

  
Jaebum's brows furrowed and he couldn't help but raise an eyebrow skeptically. "Youngjae?"

"Hmm?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing..."

"Then why are you avoiding my eyes?"

"No, I'm not. I'm just checking the time."

"Youngjae."

"Yes, hyung?"

"The clock is behind you."

Silence

"Shit..." even from the distance of the mirror, Youngjae can see his ears burn from pink to red.

God, he didn't even know why he was so flustered. It was only Jaebum; the guy who encouraged him during his screening, the guy whom he spent most of his free time with, the guy with a simple yet charming smile with the way his eyes would disappear when he smiles or the way he'd fall over from laughing too hard. The gu--

"I gotta go, hyung," Youngjae abruptly stood up, his bag already in one hand and one foot ready to stand up when he was immediately pulled down. A surprise yelp made out of his lips and he found himself staring straight into Jaebum's intense eyes. "W-what's wrong, hyung?" He stuttered.

Jaebum scoffed. "I should be the one asking that. Did you suddenly get a fever? You're burning up."

"I'm fine," Youngjae jerked away when Jaebum's hand made its way to his forehead. He stood up and snatched his bag again. "I just remembered that Sooyoung and I still need to go to Mr. Lee for our music sheets!" He hastily explained and ran out of the studio, keeping his head down as he sprinted in the hallway and leaving Jaebum to wonder if had done something to upset the younger.

"Sooyoung!"

"Oh, Youngjae, I though-- hey, are you okay?" Sooyoung asked when she finally looked up from her phone.

Youngjae followed her footsteps as they walked side by side. "I'm fine, why do you ask?"

Sooyoung's lips formed into a thin line and she smacked them together. "You look... a little... red," she said. "Are you blushing?"

"What?! No! I just... I just ran on my way here," he quickly amended while his hand fanned his face.

"Uuhh, okay. If you say so," Sooyoung replied incredulously.

Youngjae knocked in the Faculty Room's door before excusing himself and Sooyoung. They both made it towards their instructor's table, patiently waiting for the man to acknowledge them. When he did, Mr. Lee immediately smiled at them, which caught Youngjae off guard. Honestly speaking, he thought the old man might scowl at him or even snarl at his presence but looking at him now, made Youngjae imagine a grandpa wanting to play with his grandchildren.

"As you know, next week will be your first monthly evaluation, right?" He reminded.

Sooyoung and Youngjae exchanged an uneasy glances but nodded, nonetheless. Mr. Lee chuckled at their stiffness before pulling a stack of papers from his drawer and placing it before them. Youngjae dared to take a peek and realized they were lyrics, he turned to Sooyoung, who's face contorted in deep concentration.

"Pick a song," was the simple instruction.

"Okay, if you will excuse us," Sooyoung bowed politely and slowly slid the sheets towards her.

"You can use the table if you want more space," Mr. Lee gestured for the huge round table at the back of the room.

Youngjae and Sooyoung spread the sheets on the surface, trying to see what was familiar to them. The song they sang was in the choices again but both of them opted to dismiss it. Youngjae was completely aware that it was a bait for easygoing students and he was not about to be included with them.

"How about this one?" Sooyoung suggested. It was another song by Kim Bum Soo. Youngjae read over the lyrics and shook his head.

"I don't think we should play safe," he said and gave an apologetic smile to the smile.

Sooyoung was taken aback at first but nodded, a gentle smile hidden by her hair. "It's fine, you're right," she muttered and continued to skim for more options.

Behind them, Mr. Lee was smiling fondly at the youngsters. He turned on his side when he noticed a presence besides him, shaking his head when he recognized it to be Kang Sanghyeon.

"I hope you're not giving him a hard time," Sanghyeon said, amusement lacing his tone.

"What are you talking about, boy? They aren't kids anymore," he replied.

"So am I but you still call me boy," Sanghyeon retorted.

"Only because you don't act your age," the old man replied. "But I suppose you need that attitude to handle that troublemaker..."

"Jaebum? He's not a trouble maker," Sanghyeon chuckled. "He's just enjoying what he loves to do."

Mr. Lee snorted. "I hope he can keep that passion then," he added under his breath.

"Oh, Mr. Kang!" The two teachers turned to see Youngjae gaping at the younger instructor's presence.

"Hey, Youngjae. What are you doing here?" He asked, ruffling the student's hair.

"Oh," he turned to Sooyoung and showed the paper to the teacher. "We just came to get our tasks."

Sanghyeon read through their paper and smiled in satisfaction. "Good choice," he praised, making the two students smile wide.

"Thank you. We have to get going now!"

"Bye, take care then."

Sanghyeon's eyebrows shot up and he heard a suspicious dry cough beside him. He turned and saw Mr. Lee's skeptical look. "I take it that he's under your supervision too?"

"That's right."

"Then he's bound to be a troublemaker, too."

Sanghyeon laugh and shook his head. "Let's hope not..."

_Silence_

"And Jaebum's not a troublemaker."

Mr. Lee sighed in resignation and continued to do his papers.


	8. Chapter 8

It was 10 pm, as usual, when Jaebum ended his solo practice and made his way home. The entire time he was in there, he couldn't really pay attention to himself; he seemed to have turned deaf from the music and blind to his own movements. When Youngjae walked out on him, he couldn't stop the crawling feeling of confusion and worry.

Jaebum usually won't mind if someone were to have any ill feelings towards him, he'd leave them talking behind his back and not even bat a single eye. However, it's different towards people whom he feels close to. He couldn't help but feel it was his fault that Youngjae was upset.

"Did I say something wrong?" He muttered to himself as he entered the convenient store to shop for his dinner.

When he exited the store, his phone vibrated, indicating an incoming call. Sighing, he slid the green icon and made his way back to the dorm.

_"Jaebum."_

"Good evening, hyung. Do you need something?" He asked, exhaustion lacing his tone.

_"There's an update in your schedule. Come by the agency tomorrow. It's very important."_

Jaebum clicked his tongue in annoyance and replied curtly. He once again sighed and stared at his reflection at the elevator wall. Although unclear and rippled, he can fatigue and stress coloring his features. Honestly, he wanted nothing more but to eat and sleep right after. Furthermore, he still had to talk to Youngjae and clear things up between them.

"What do I do?" He cursed himself as he made his way out of the lift.

The corridor was already void of any presence, taking into consideration that it was nearly 11 p.m. He unlocked the door to his room, only to pause when he heard thumping noises next door. His brows furrowed in confusion as he stared at the door, patiently waiting for any following activities and when none came, he merely shrugged and entered his space. His neighbor must've fallen off his bed or something.

Jaebum reheated his late dinner and boiled a pot of water before ridding himself of his damp clothes. He threw them carelessly in the hamper and entered his bathroom, relishing the hot water cascading down his body. His eyes began to flutter close, nearly succumbing to the call of sleep when the loud alarm from his microwave snapped him out of his slumber.

"Wake up," he told himself and continued washing his body.

After his much needed shower, he toweled his hair dry and made his way out of his bathroom. Jaebum yawned loudly and took out his dinner and mindlessly placed it on the small table in the middle of his room. He dump a packet of ramyeon in the pot, added the powder, and stirred lazily. After preparing his dinner, he sat down and began to eat. _Silently_.

"Whoo..." he blew the heat out of his mouth, cheeks full of noodles and convenient store kimchi.

Jaebum reached for his phone and began to check his activities for tomorrow. All he got was homework, classes and practice during lunch hour. He contemplated whether he should just head to the agency tomorrow afternoon but decided against it. Who knows, whatever important changes might take longer than initially planned and resulting to late night plans. _Again_. He didn't want that but he also didn't want to prolong his plan to seek for Youngjae tomorrow.

 _'Whatever'_ , he thought and went to bed without making his plans clear.

Jaebum yawned as he got off the bus, eyes still drowsy and body aching from all the practice since yesterday. It was only eight in the morning yet the streets of Cheongdam-dong were already full of rushing workers and students. Jaebum made his way inside the JYPE Building and greeted the receptionist with a polite nod.

He took the stairs up to the second floor, muttering complaints for every painful step he took. "They should put an elevator in this place," he grumbled.

When he finally reached the hallway, he entered the door with _3rd Conference Room_ taped on the wall. He sighed heavily, pursing his lips at the thought of waking up early for nothing. When he deemed he was calm enough, he twisted the knob open and entered the room. His brows shot up when he saw a familiar face among the line up, sitting mindlessly by the table and surrounded by elder men.

"Jinyoung," he called.

The young man immediately stood up and smiled at the elder. "Jaebum..."

Jaebum decided to sit close to his former partner and current friend, before falling into silence. Aside from the young duo, the room was also occupied by two staff members of the company, a guy whom Jaebum recognized to be Lee Eungbok, the famous director of Dream High.

Dream High just ended a month ago and it was a TV show famous in their school. Many of the students were recruited to be extras and were able meet a lot of famous idols like IU, 2PM Taecyeon and Wooyoung, Miss A Suzy and many more. Jaebum himself was nearly used as one of the extra performers but JYP rejected the offer since he didn't want Jaebum to debut yet so any form of exposure was forbidden for both him and Jinyoung.

"What's this about?" Jaebum whispered next to Jinyoung.

Jinyoung glanced at him and shrugged. "I don't know either. They just called last night and told me to come here even though our monthend evaluation is at the end of the week."

Jaebum sighed and couldn't help but nod. He knew Jinyoung wasn't referring to the ones held at their respective schools, considering Jinyoung is only at a regular high school unlike him. Their month end evaluation as JYP trainees was nearing and suddenly something like this coming around was ringing warning bells in his head. Surely, Park Jinyoung will not sabotage them, right?

Speak of the devil and he comes.

The door opened and the man who entered is none other than their CEO himself. "Good morning everyone," he greeted with that tight smile and crinkling eyes. He shook hands with Director Lee and took a sit at the head of the table.

Formalities were made and turnabouts conversation began. Jaebum was already half-asleep with all the wait. Unbeknownst to him, Jinyoung was stealing glances at him. His lips were pouting and brows furrowing yet he kept his words to himself. Jaebum was strangely distracted and even slightly irritated. Jinyoung didn't want to cross the line so early in the morning.

"Im Jaebum. Park Jinyoung," both boys responded to the call and gave the man their full attention. "I am Lee Eungbok, it is a pleasure to finally see you again."

Jinyoung and Jaebum stood up and bowed towards the elder, accepting the hand he politely offered for them to shake. They both sat down again and tried as much as they can, to pay attention and act decent in the name of their agency. Although, they were only trainees.

"I had been adamant to discuss some offers to you and I am glad that Park Jinyoung finally indulged my pleas," he chuckled, throwing a glance towards the elder.

"Thank you for considering us, although if I may ask, what is this about?" Jinyoung inquired, warily staring at their CEO before averting his eyes away.

Director Lee chuckled and nodded. "You are aware of my recent joint project with JYP and KEYEAST, right?" When he receive another confirmation, a smirk crept on his lips.

Even without being told, Jinyoung and Jaebum were already aware of what this would be about. Jaebum didn't know what to feel with the impending offer. The opportunity was just too good to dismiss and the experience can surely help him. However, being an actor was not part of his plans. In the first place, he auditioned to be a dancer. Just a dancer.

"This is an opportunity for you to start your journey in the entertainment industry, so consider it as a part of your training." JYP said, his chin resting on his interlock fingers as he eyed the young duo with that mysterious smile of his.

"Don't worry about your acting experience, or the lack of thereof," the director laughed softly. "You will undergo various workshops to hone what you lack, and that includes your dancing and singing. That is, of course, if you accept this offer."

"But what about our training here?" Jaebum argued respectfully.

"You will still report to your company schedules. We can work it out with your instructors, as well as your teachers at school," JYP replied with that smile of his again.

"Why us?" Jaebum pressed once again.

"You two are our outstanding trainees. A new face will surely bring attention that will benefit us all."

Jaebum was even more confuse. As far as he knows, the only exposure he and Jinyoung had was during their open audition in JYP and nothing else. What's more, JYP himself never consulted them about this until today. Did he expect them to be ecstatic of this news? Jaebum may be dreaming big but he wasn't about to decide for his future like this; impromptu and impulsive. And it seems like Jinyoung agrees with his thoughts.

"Can you give us a little more time?" Jaebum asked lowly, shifting on his seat when he noticed the confuse frown both the director and JYP showed.

"Of course," the director hesitantly agreed, obviously caught off guard by the sudden request.

"Thank you," Jinyoung and Jaebum bowed respectively and excused themselves to let the elders discuss what they needed to discuss.

"What do you think?" Jaebum asked his companion as soon as they were out of the room.

"I'm... not so sure myself," Jinyoung replied, a confuse frown etching between his brows. "I mean, it's a good offer but I don't think I'm ready for this."

"Me too," Jaebum nodded, a sharp hiss coming out of his lips.

"Jaebum hyung?" Jinyoung asked after a moment of silence. "Are you okay?"

The question took Jaebum by surprise and his lips parted slightly. "Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Well, it's that..." Jinyoung swallowed and smack his lips together. "You've been feeling off since you got here... I don't know, you don't seem to be motivated for today."

"I do--"

"Ooh, what are you two doing here?" They both turned at the direction of the voice and saw none other than Taecyeon making his way to them with a young man with big eyes and shaggy hair. And short, definitely shorter than Taecyeon.

"Hyung," Jinyoung greeted politely.

"Don't you guys have classes today?" The trainee asked, his shabby dark hair sticking to his forehead due to sweat.

"We were called here, Jackson," Jaebum replied with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Don't you have classes as well?" He questioned back.

"Not until 10, which is why I am leaving now," Jackson said wittily and pat Taecyeon's back before jogging off. "Bye hyung!" He yelled loudly, his laugh echoing in the narrow hallways of the JYPE building.

As soon as Jackson was out of sight, Taecyeon turned to his juniors. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing, hyung," Jinyoung dismissed.

"Hyung, what did you feel when you were offered to be casted in Dream High?" Jaebum asked, eyes slowly rising until they met the elder's widened pair.

"Where did that come from?" He asked, perplexed as he returned the younger's stare. Jinyoung himself, gaped. He didn't expect that coming from the elder first. "Did something happen?"

Jaebum smacked his lips together and ran a hand through his hair but he didn't give an answer. And Taecyeon understood that. He turned to Jinyoung and found the youngest just as tight lipped but the concern in his eyebrows made Taecyeon sigh. They are basically rubbing off on each other, so if one kept silence, the other would surely follow.

"Well, I was reluctant at first," he thought about the day JYP told him about the casting offer. "And I talked about it to Wooyoung and Suzy, and they seem to be okay with it. I discussed it with the rest of the group and they seem more excited than I was," he laughed.

"Oh," Jaebum gaped weakly.

"Hey, if you don't want do it, then don't. No one's forcing you into it," Taecyeon playfully scolded. "If that old man does, just tell me; Chansung and I will annoy him until all of his hair falls out."

Jinyoung lets out a laugh and let Taecyeon ruffle his hair. "I'll look forward to that, hyung."

When Taecyeon and Jinyoung went on their way, Jaebum was left contemplating. A frustrated groan rumbling in his throat as he ran a palm down his face. It's not that he was overthinking the situation, it's just that he wants to think this through, very thoroughly. If he agrees, he didn't want it to be a half-assed choice. If he refuses, this is something he might think about for the rest of his life.

In the end, he went back to the dorms, packed his bag, and went back to the only place he'll able to think properly.

Home.


	9. Chapter 9

This wasn't what Youngjae expected when the instructors told them that today was going to be big. He expected they'd be inside a studio, a panel of instructors sitting up front, and maybe another on the spot line up. Not like this. This was probably worse than their live audition.

"Oh my god," Jaehwan gasped, a hand clutching his probably pounding chest.

Youngjae laughed bitterly. His eyes looked around the massive theater hall of the school; high ceiling with fancy and elegant lights hanging above, rows and rows of leather chairs to accommodate its audience, and even balcony seats on the second floor. Youngjae knew Korean Arts School was prestigious and hella expensive but even this managed to dropped his jaw. 

To make matters worse, it seems as though everyone in school was present; seniors, juniors and freshmen. All from different departments and majors. The ones above were probably the faculty and scouts from agencies. Though, Youngjae did spot a few seniors sitting on the front row of the balcony chairs. They are probably the best students of the school and putting them above was probably a message for them standing below. 

_Look up, that's the only thing you can do while they look down on you._

Youngjae can feel the tension between these students. He was once again reminded that they were not there to make friends. Everything and anything can be a competition and being at the bottom should never be an option. His attention was immediately drawn towards the stage when students began to holler and cheer. His eyes widened and his heart picked up speed when he spotted Jaebum doing a hand spin before landing flawlessly on his feet. The senior's eyes was instantly on the crowd as he continued to dance, and Youngjae swore he and Jaebum made eye contact. 

_'Impossible,'_ he thought. He just got inside the hall and he was standing at the very back where the stage lights does not reach him. 

It has been a week since Youngjae had last seen the elder. He thought Jaebum's disappearance had something to do with him running off the other night, and couldn't help but feel a bit guilty. He probably left the elder confuse and possibly upset by the rudeness. He tried apologizing the next day but Jaebum wasn't around. He tried again by the next day, but this time, it was confirmed that Jaebum was absent. 

The next time followed but nothing changed. Youngjae asked another senior and the elder was kind enough to inform him that Jaebum was on official leave until further noticed. Youngjae was disappointed and blamed himself for Jaebum's absence. He feared that he had upset the elder to the point Jaebum wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Seeing him again relieved Youngjae, but at the same time, scared.

He watched as Jaebum and his crew moved along the beat, doing tricks and complicated steps without anyone falling behind. This was nothing new to Youngjae. He had seen Jaebum dance so many times, with him being with the elder all the time. However, Jaebum's performance once again reminded him how much of an amazing dancer the elder was. His hours of endless and restless practice bore magnificent fruit, and it's showing.

"Wow, he's amazing," Daniel gaped as he watched Jaebum do a 2000s and clapped his hand when the senior hopped up and did an Air Flaire.

Youngjae nodded. He understood Daniel's fascination with the crew's performance because he himself, is currently trying to get into b-boying. Youngjae focused up front once again when the crowd roared and clapped wildly as soon as the show ended. From above, the other seniors were chatting amongst themselves and paid little to none attention towards the dancers. Well, Youngjae didn't really care what was going through their heads though. 

The six men took each other's hands and bowed towards the crowd before stepping down. Youngjae sighed and practically groaned in annoyance. He hated feeling scared and nervous. It made him fidgety and clammy, and anyone bumping into him made him almost jump out of his skin. 

"Youngjae?"

He let out a surprised yelp and scrambled away from whoever called him. His heart was about to give out with how fast it was running and his eyes blown wide. A shaky breath slips out of his lips when he recognized the man to be Jaebum, who stared at him with furrowed brows and firm lips.

"You scared me," Youngjae rasped, still trembling and a bit terrified.

"You don't look so good," Jaebum muttered and stared at the younger fron head to toe.

"Jaebum, the teachers are calling for you," one of the senior's nudged him and pointed above where the teacher gave Jaebum the signal to come up. 

He merely sighed before facing Youngjae again. "Are you nervous?" He asked instead and took notice of the younger's pale face and tired eyes. 

"A little bit," Youngjae responded hesitantly, his shoulders finally relaxing. He decided it was best not to question the elder's behavior and let them share a talk instead. "Hyung, I'm really sorry."

Jaebum's brows shot up and his lips pouted in wonder. "About what?"

"You know, for bailing on you like that," Youngjae answered, his eyes trying to stray from the other.

"Oh, so you did bail. I thought you said you were meeting with Sooyoung," Jaebum said with a hint of sarcasm and indifference. 

Youngjae flinched and his hands flew up. "I did! We went to the faculty!" He defended.

"Then what are you apologizing for?" Jaebum grumbled and crossed his arms over his chest. "It's not like you lied, right? If anything, I feel like I should be the one apologizing for upsetting you like that." 

"Huh?" Youngjae gaped dumbly. "Upset? Who? Me? When?" 

"You're not upset?" Jaebum frowned.

"Upset? I was never upset at you. I don't even remember when have I ever," Youngjae retorted.

So they worried about each other for nothing? Jaebum scratched his head and blinked mindlessly while Youngjae whacked his head for overthinking the situation. Honestly though, he felt like a thorn had been removed off his chest and he could breath again. His nerves for his monthly evaluation plus his fear of making Jaebum angry caused stress to accumulate; physically and mentally. 

He practiced with Sooyoung everyday, staying at the same studio for hours in hopes of Jaebum coming around only to leave with his head low. He lost his appetite due to nausea and left him sleep deprived. Don't get him wrong- it wasn't entirely about Jaebum. It was mostly about his upcoming evaluation. 

It was then that he realized how much Jaebum had done for him in the span of one month that they have known each other. Jaebum had been Youngjae's best support, his words of encouragements kept Youngjae grounded and away from the whispers of his insecurities.

The sight of him practicing hard every night reminded Youngjae of what he has to do to make his dreams come true. It served as a constant reminder that he should never take things lightly and slack off just because he passed the school's exam. 

Jaebum slowly became Youngjae's role model and his absence had affected Youngjae's mentality greatly. Youngjae's fears washed over him every night, wondering if he will ever be enough to make it through, or if what he did for the day was enough. Sooyoung kept telling him he was doing great but to Youngjae, her words passed from one ear to another. He tried to keep it at bay, but sometimes they were too much for him. 

"Youngjae." 

The young man flinched in surprise when he felt a warm sensation brush at the top of his head, ruffling his already messy hair. His eyes travelled up and met Jaebum's small eyes staring at him in worry with a hint of amusement. He continued to ruffle the boy's head until his hand slid lower and squeezed the back of Youngjae's neck. Youngjae's eyes widen and his lips parted slightly. Unknown to him, his stiff shoulders slowly relaxed and his wide eyes began to flutter gently. 

"Good luck, I'll be watching." Jaebum muttered fondly and gave Youngjae's neck one last reassuring squeeze before letting go. He turned on his back to leave, only to pause at Youngjae's next words.

"You were amazing, hyung!"

Jaebum let a small smile crept on his lips as he shook his head lightly. His smile fell when he felt a jab on his side. "What?" He snapped.

"Hah, I was wondering why you suddenly decided to join the evaluation even though there's no need for you. I can finally understand why." His friend chuckled teasingly and even dared to poke Jaebum's side. 

"What are you saying?" He grumbled in annoyance, feeling his temper already rising at the blatant display of humor. "I was merely setting an example for the juniors. We can't let them keep thinking so high of themselves." 

His friend scoffed and muttered something under his breath enough for Jaebum to hear. "Nah, you were definitely showing off to impress someone." 

"What was that?" 

"Oh, I know you heard me. You were meant to!" The other laughed and slapped Jaebum's back, making the other stumble on his step. 

"Get back here!" Jaebum growled and attempted to reach for the other, but like a slimy snake, he swiftly dodged and jogged away from the ranging man. 

" _Good luck, I'll be watching_. Hah! That was so cheesy!" He playfully mocked and laughed as he ran out of the hall. Jaebum gritted his teeth, yet despite the cold blow of the air-conditioning system, he can feel heat rise from his neck up to ears. 

"Fucking bastard..." he cursed under his breath before spinning on his heel back to where he was before. 

Another student approached him once again and told him that a teacher was calling him up but Jaebum didn't listen and leaned on the wall instead, watching as the second years finally took their turn. The Performing Arts Department came first and he spotted Park Jimin, the department's top student, stand on the stage with 3 more others. Honestly, this year's first monthly evaluation was surely brutal. Maybe they were trying to prove a point towards the freshmen? Jaebum wondered.

It didn't really matter. He just have his eyes and attention set on one person, and his performance is the only thing that mattered to him. 


	10. Chapter 10

Youngjae was a bundle of nerves. Sooyoung slapped his back hard, making him and wince and pout towards the lady. Sooyoung grinned playfully clasped her hands together. No words were needed. Sooyoung knew that no amount of sweet talk will stop Youngjae's nerves from creeping in his head. In the first place, Youngjae is at his best when he's scared or nervous. As ironic as it may be. 

They went up the stage and took a sit at the stool provided for them. Youngjae clutched the microphone in his hand tightly and exhaled through his nose. He tried to ignore the loud cheers and yells surrounding them, all for Sooyoung. Youngjae envied her; to be able to keep calm and compose under circumstances. She was truly a performer by heart. Well, that is until he turned and was surprised to see cold sweat running down her temple. 

_'Aahhh,'_ he thought wistfully. 

Sooyoung had also talked him out of his agitation, that he keeps forgetting that she's human too. A student who have dreams and expectations; someone who also have fears of failing and disappointment. She was just as terrified and shaky as Youngjae, she just kept quiet in hopes of encouraging the other. Youngjae wanted to whack himself in the head. He and Sooyoung are partners. They should rely on each other. 

He sighed again, this time to ease his pounding heart. He placed a hand on Sooyoung's elbow, successfully catching his attention and startling her at the same time. Youngjae gave her a small smile, reassuring her as well as himself. Grateful, Sooyoung smiled and squeezed his hand before letting go. With his eyes closed, he hummed to prepare his vocal chords. 

Youngjae saw the flash of limelight behind his eyelids and that was his cue to begin. He brought the microphone close and began to hum, Sooyoung's harmonization following his. Chimes and the first sound of the piano's key, Youngjae's voice began to resonate in the wide hall.

_"It's too hard for me to bear that you are with someone else"_   
_너무 힘들어요 다른 사람 곁에 그대가 있다는 게_

_"Even though you were probably with him since I met you, and possibly before."_   
_처음 그댈 본 날 훨씬 그 전부터 이미 그랬을텐데_

_"Maybe you'll break up with him."_   
_어쩌면 헤어질지 몰라_

_"I painfully pray for this."_   
_힘겨운 기대를 해봐도_

_"But without a hint of pain or suffering."_   
_단 한 번 힘들어 하는 표정 없이_

_"I hate that you look so happy."_   
_행복해하는 그대가 싫어요_

Youngjae can feel the sorrow and longing just by singing the lyrics. His eyes still closed, yet ears open to hear and follow the flow of the melody. Sooyoung entered the chorus, her soft yet powerful voice carried the song itself, the way she brought the emotions filling each note and words as her own. Only did then, Youngjae opened his eyes and was immediately blinded by the lights. 

The percussions buzzed in his veins, the chords of the flowing piano eases his mind completely, and he was immediately brought back to the practice room he and Sooyoung shared. Youngjae remembered the frustrations bubbling inside of him when he couldn't bring himself to sing the way he supposed to. 

All those nights he spent watching himself in the mirror, tapping his fingers to follow the soft beat of the song playing on the wall speakers. Youngjae realized a lot of things by himself. There were a lot of things he had overlooked because he always thought about Jaebums words. He was always focused on what was in front and if he really thinks hard about something, he tends to keep it in mind until he achieves it. That was the kind of person he was. 

Jaebum had been a big help to him, always. But maybe had been too dependent on the elder as well. Youngjae came to Seoul to grow and work for his dreams. He met a lot of people, made great friends, and see himself grow in a span of one month. He may still have many things to learn, but he'll make sure to apply what he has for now.

The last note rang in the silent hall, drawing out longer and longer until silence came. Youngjae and Sooyoung's voice broke through the silence and tore the suffocating void clouding the atmosphere. Youngjae felt the desperation and pain as he sang his heart out, bending as he tried to reach the note. His ranging heart and voice drove through the tension coating the room, trying to breathe through the suffocating pressure. 

_"Can't you love me?"_   
_안되나요 나를 사랑하면_

_"Can't you understand my heart a little?"_   
_조금 내 마음을 알아주면 안되요_

_"Or, can you pretend that I am him?"_   
_아니면 나를 그 사람이라고 생각해도 되요_

_"As long as you are with me."_   
_그대만 내게 있으면_

_"As long as you are by my side."_   
_그대만 있어 준다면_

Sooyoung hummed the last of the melody, Youngjae following as they faded in the background and lights. Darkness enveloped them once again and as soon as the applause came, Youngjae and Sooyoung sprang on their feet and hugged the living daylights from each other. They shared heartfelt laughs as they came down the stage. 

It was so odd, yet so satisfying at the same time. Youngjae was out of breath and was damp with sweat, and yet he wasn't even tired. In fact, he still felt like singing once again. The microphone in his hand remained and the urge to go up there and sing came rushing back. Maybe it was because of the lingering Adrenaline, or the whispering thought that maybe he didn't do enough to pass. 

Before his head could wander in the dark, a startling grasp at the back of his neck had him reeling. His eyes widen and his jaw dropped when he sees Jaebum's proud and wide grin. The elder didn't congratulate him, maybe sensing that it is yet over. The results are still unknown and that's what kept Youngjae from fully celebrating. Nonetheless, the elder's presence instantly snapped him out of his ranging emotions and calmed him back down. Well, barely. He still wanted to sing though.

"I know you can sing, but that was amazing," Jaebum grinned. "The both of you," he turned to Sooyoung and gave her a small smile.

"Thank you," Sooyoung and Youngjae both bowed in gratitude. "We did our best," Sooyoung giggled and wiped the sweat off her forehead.

"I'm sure I saw some scouts interested in you two," Jaebum said and looked above the balcony, seeing some scouts and teachers whispering amongst themselves. 

"Ah, that's going too far," Sooyoung bashfully dismissed. "Our seniors were better though."

"They are another league of their own," Jaebum smiled. He pulled Youngjae closer and absently rubbed his cheek against his hair. "But believe me, you might get some offers this early of the season."

Sooyoung and Youngjae bashfully exchanged gazes. Jaebum wasn't exactly the type to sugar his words but that was quite a praise. Sooyoung and Youngjae weren't naive. They were first years but they are aware of how the system works. Youngjae knew he wasn't the best, didn't even consider to be one of the top. Say, even if the praise was partly because of Sooyoung, Jaebum saying something like that definitely assured him enough. And well, he knew the elder enough to realize that Jaebum weren't just saying that to make him feel better. 

"I hope you're right," Youngjae sighs.

Not long after, Sooyoung excused herself and left the two on their own. Jaebum stirred Youngjae out of the hall, blatantly ignoring the call of one teacher. He didn't need to look up to see that most students from the balcony were glaring at him. 

"The teacher is calling you, Jaebum," Youngjae poked the elders hand on his shoulder. He nibbled on his lips nervously when he noticed a few seniors staring at them.

"Wow, you must've really practiced hard, right? Good job," Jaebum gave a small smile, the one where the corner of his lips tug just a bit. 

Youngjae swallowed thickly and nodded. He figured Jaebum ignored them for a reason, so he'll leave it as is. "Yeah, we use--"

"Youngjae!"

Both males stopped walking and turned behind them, seeing Sanghyeon jogging towards them. Youngjae's gloomy mood was immediately lifted and he easily escaped Jaebum's hold to greet the other man. Sanghyeon ruffled Youngjae's hair, momentarily taken aback when he recognized Jaebum standing not far from them.

"Amazing job for today's evaluation, Youngjae," he said, patting his shoulder one more time before letting go. "You too, Jaebum. Although, I am a little surprise you still attend these kind of events," he chuckled.

Youngjae's perplexed gaze alternated between the two. He tugged Jaebum's long sleeve and encouraged him closer, the elder not even resisting. 

"Thank you for helping us, sir," Youngjae bowed gratefully. He turned to Jaebum and gestured the teacher. "This Mr. Kang Sanghyeon. He helped me and Sooyoung practice our song."

"We already know each other, Youngjae," Jaebum chuckled and bowed towards the elder. "I am still a student here, sir. I need to set an example for my juniors. It's their first evaluation, after all."

"You mean, you wanted to tease them?" Sanghyeon snickered and playfully shook his head. 

"Ah, no. That's not it," Jaebum denied, his tone borderline whining.

Ah, Youngjae kept forgetting that Jaebum is already a senior. When he graduates will he go straight to JYPE or will he proceed to college? Now that he thinks about it, most seniors are either focused on their college plans or career plans. Youngjae wondered what Jaebum will do afterwards. Since he is a trainee of JYPE, it's safe to assume that Jaebum won't be accepting any more scout offers, right? So, what happens after that? 

"What do you think, Youngjae?" 

Youngjae visibly flinched at the call of his name and he hastily straightened up to see both males staring at him expectantly. 

"Wh-what is it?" He stammered.

"I asked if you want to go barbeque with us, my treat." Sanghyeon sighed fondly. 

"Yes, of course!" It's food, was he suppose to reject the offer? Absolutely not. "I'll make sure to dry your wallet, sir," he laughed.

Jaebum snickered mockingly at the sight of Sanghyeon sighing again. The eldest can't help but smile. Those words certainly sounded familiar to his ears. How long has it been since he last heard it? Two years? Three years? Time surely flies when the ones you look after starts growing up. He couldn't help but groan at the thought that he was begining to grow old. He froze for a moment, eyes staring intently at Youngjae's hand still holding Jaebum's sleeve, and it seems that the elder didn't mind as he continued to chat with Youngjae. 

_Interesting._

Sanghyeon wondered how deep their bond will form as time passes by. He couldn't wait to see. Everything happens for a reason, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit of a filler since this story will be full of massive time skips. Believe me, the real plot will probably start when Jaebum's career begins. It's a bit of a spoiler but I just want a head start in case you'll get bored.


	11. Chapter 11

"What's wrong?" Jaebum asked when he noticed Youngjae glaring at the music sheets in front of him. 

Youngjae yelped in surprise and scrambled to hide the papers behind his back, which was still visible to Jaebum's line of vision. Realizing that, Youngjae sneaked it on his left, the sound of crumpling papers were heard. Silence filled the now occupied studio, Jaebum remaining by the door. 

"So what's wrong?" Jaebum asked again and dropped his bag on the side. 

Youngjae scooted to the edge of the piano stool when Jaebum began to walk towards him. "Nothing, hyung..." he chuckled sheepishly. 

When Jaebum made no attempt to stop or dismiss the issue, Youngjae surrendered and took out the crumpled papers. With a curious frown, Jaebum took the offered sheets and scanned through them. 

"Claire de Lune... Debussy," Jaebum muttered in his broken English. "Are you learning to play?" 

"Yeah," Youngjae mumbled weakly and made an attempt to retrieve his sheets back when Jaebum pulled it away from his hold. 

"Have you ever played the piano before?" When he got no answer, Jaebum sighed. "Youngjae, shouldn't you start with the basics like Twinkle Twinkle or something?" 

"Youtube videos helped, hyung," Youngjae chuckled and pulled his phone out awkwardly. 

Jaebum's lips pursed and he sat beside the wary teen. "What are you practicing for?" 

"Instructor Lee told us this might be our evaluation for this month," Youngjae grumbled petulantly and repeatedly pressed #B. 

"Youngjae, you can't learn a piano in just a month just by watching Youtube videos," Jaebum lectured and flicked the younger's forehead. Youngjae yelped and rubbed the pain away, pouting his lips towards the elder. "You know you can ask help from the instructors, right?" 

"I want to, okay?" Youngjae grunted. "But I don't think they're even willing to help me." 

"What makes you say that?" Jaebum asked and pried Youngjae's hand away from the tiles, finding the sound a nuisance to his ears. 

"Just the other day, I was just going to ask a question when they told me to learn by myself," he snarled and clenched his fists, feeling frustrated and upset by the sudden unfairness. "So here I am now. Youtube videos are good help. At least it doesn’t glare at me when I do something wrong.” 

Jaebum nibbled on his lips thoughtfully and glanced at the discouraged boy. Honestly, Jaebum was aware how their faculty acts towards the students and there are times he feels wronged, too. He can understand where Youngjae was coming from and seeing the younger in distress didn't sit well in his gut. 

"I know someone who can help you learn," he wryly smiled and nudged the younger's shoulder. 

"Really?!" Youngjae perked up and stared at Jaebum with shining eyes. 

"Yeah, but I don't want to get your hopes up. I still need to talk to him," he said. "Ah, but don't worry, he's a great guy. Maybe a little to extra but he's good at this thing. I'll try to look for him later." 

"Don't trouble yourself, hyung," Youngjae assured and played with his fingers. Sure, it would be good if someone can offer some help but he didn’t want to be a bother. 

"C'mon, let's see first, okay? He might agree." 

"Okay," Youngjae nodded meekly. 

"Hey, everyone has to learn before they get better," Jaebum consoled. "You should head to class before the bell rings." 

At that, Youngjae stood up and gathered his things, muttering how he didn’t want to deal with his instructor’s unnecessary nagging. Jaebum watched him flail around, an unsettling feeling bubbling inside of him. There’s this nagging voice in his head telling him to say something, anything at all. He didn’t know why all of a sudden, but Jaebum had always trusted his instincts, and this time is no exception. 

“Youngjae!” he called just in time for the younger to exit the studio. 

“Yes, hyung?” Jaebum stopped himself from falling in awe as Youngjae gave him an innocent look of curiosity. 

“I need your number so I can call you in case he agrees,” Jaebum spouted. 

“Oh! Alright,” he paused by the door and took out his phone. 

Jaebum stood from the stool and strolled towards the younger man. Youngjae took his phone and typed his number, then returned it back to the senior. Seconds later, the sound of laser shooting noises filled the air and confused Jaebum. His eyes cast down on Youngjae’s lit up screen where an unknown number displayed. 

The screen light of the phone reflected in junior’s eyes, a giddy grin etched on his lips as he typed away on the phone. “There, saved!” He beamed and showed Jaebum the phone, his name lighting the screen. 

“Alright,” Jaebum sighed. 

Youngjae bid the elder goodbye and sprinted down the hallway, praying that no teacher would bump into him and scold him for running in the hallway. Jaebum watched his form disappear from his sight and stared down at his phone, reading Youngjae’s name repeatedly. 

Jaebum looked at the clock and found it was nearing one in the afternoon. He had no classes left so decided to do the job he promised. He mussed his hair and clicked his tongue. What the hell was he doing? He tried to convince himself that he was just trying to help; that as a senior, he should lead his juniors well. He was partly responsible for Youngjae’s future in the school, after all. 

However, Jaebum wasn’t dumb. Youngjae being a junior could be passable excuse for him to help. And yet, he couldn’t even help his own juniors in his department. What a senior. He knew he was making excuses, little excuses, but he didn’t know why he would do that. What was he trying to deny? This isn’t like him to maul over a simple issue. He could’ve just stopped to Youngjae being a junior and him being a helpful senior. Why was he thinking about this too much? 

“Jaebum hyung?” 

Jaebum suddenly felt his heart sink and his body flinched as he was pulled out of his thoughts. He blink once, twice to clear his mind and he exhaled slowly. When he finally came to, he came face to face with a petite boy, a little shorter than him and staring at him with his big eyes and pouting lips. That’s when he realized he’s standing in front of a recital studio. 

“Hey, Tae,” he breathes out. 

“What are doing here?” to boy asked with his startling, deep voice. 

“Tae, I need a favor. Are you up for it?” Jaebum asked, leaning against the wall. 

Tae blink and his lips parted in a silent question. 

Youngjae just got out of his class when his phone shot laser noises. Skeptical, he pulled it out and opened the message, smiling when he realized it was from Jaebum. 

“Studio 301, 4:00.” 

At that, Youngjae frowned. Studio 301 is pretty far from their studio. If he’s not mistaken, 3 is the Practical Music Department’s code number. He contemplated hard, humming mindlessly as he head towards his next class. Surely, Jaebum wouldn’t prank him. Youngjae was grateful the elder was kind enough to help him. 

If he were to be honest, he was truly struggling. He didn’t know what was the pedals in the piano for. He couldn’t tell the difference between B or B flat. He can’t even identify which key is which. Jaebum was a life saver. The sentiment was enough make Youngjae smile and feel his heart flutter. 

“Okay. I’ll be there.” He replied. 

“I’ll see you then.” 

“Youngjae! Hurry up!” 

“Alright! I’m coming!” 

Youngjae stood in front of a double doors, looking around the hallway in search of Jaebum. Was he suppose to enter on his own? Or is he supposed to wait? Youngjae groaned and pulled out his phone to text Jaebum. He might as well just ask. 

“Ah! You must be Youngjae, right?!” 

Youngjae yelped and let out a sudden cry. He reeled behind him and saw a boy about his age, grinning at the reaction he was able to pull. However, that wasn’t what startled him. It was the sound of this stranger’s deep voice despite his lanky frame and height. 

“Come on,” he beckoned and opened the door. “If you’re looking for Jaebum hyung, he’s already inside. He’s been here since noon,” he chuckled. 

True enough, when they got inside, Youngjae immediately noticed the sleeping form curled near the mirrors. The stranger grinned and pointed at him, as if to say ‘see’. Youngjae approached the sleeping man with a concern frown on his face. He crouched down and poked Jaebum’s back, huffing when he got no reply. 

Hesitantly, Youngjae placed both hands on the elder’s shoulder and gently shook him. It wasn’t enough to wake Jaebum, but it made him turn on his back and gave Youngjae a full view of his sleeping face. Youngjae’s finger’s twitched. Jaebum was frowning in his sleep and a light snore could be heard vibrating from his throat. 

Now that he thinks about it, Jaebum looked exhausted for the past few months. He sleeps in the studio more often and sometimes he looked stressed about something. He’s also leaving school early and according to his classmates, he’s no where to be found during lunchtime. Youngjae wanted to ask but he also didn’t want to seem nosy. 

“If you want to wake him up, you should shake him like there’s a fire alarm going off,” the stranger chuckled while he opened the lid of the piano. 

Youngjae looked back down on Jaebum’s sleeping face. He grimaced and shook his head. “I think we should just let him sleep,” he said and stood up. “He looks tired.” 

The stranger smiled at him, but to Youngjae, it looked sad and maybe a bit sympathetic. “You’re right.”

“Oh, my name Choi Youngjae. I’m from the Music Department. First year.” 

“I know,” He chuckled knowingly. “Jaebum told me about you. My name is Kim Taehyung but my friends call me Tae. I’m from the Practical Music Department. I’m a second year.” 

Second year? He looked about Youngjae age and he’s at least half a head taller than him. His deep voice is a surprise too. Looking at him closely though, Taehyung is very good looking. He’s a little soft around the edges and he’s still on the cute side of good looking, but if he grows a bit more height and gain a few muscles in the right places, he’ll probably be the definition of ‘manly’. 

“So, Youngjae. What do you know about the piano?” 

Youngjae tilted his head and pursed his lips. This is going to take a while. 

Jaebum woke up at the sound of hush whispers and giggling. He groaned and stirred, noticing how it suddenly quiet. He forced his eyes open, swearing when the lights attacked his unprepared vision. The first thing he sees is Youngjae and Taehyung’s grinning face, then his sight panned to the open marker within Taehyung’s hand. 

“Fuck!” 

The two boys burst out laughing and jumped away from the fuming senior, their laughter echoing in the spacious studio. Jaebum harshly wiped his face, reeling towards the mirror to see a small smiley face at his left cheekbone and a little heart just above his twin moles. 

“This better not be permanent!” Jaebum seethed and turned to the mischievous duo laughing at the other side of the room. 

“Don’t worry, it’s hypoallergenic,” Taehyung and showed his signature boxy smile, one Youngjae discovered he liked to see. 

“Tae?” 

The three of them turned towards the door and sees a head poking curiously. “Jimin!” Taehyung beckoned the new comer excitedly. 

“What are you doing? Come on, it’s time to go,” Jimin crossed his arms over his chest and gave a look of disapproval. “Oh, hi hyung,” he waved when he finally noticed Jaebum. 

“Jimin, meet Youngjae. Youngjae, this is my friend, Jimin,” Taehyung introduced in between his panting. 

“Nice to meet you, hyung,” Youngjae waved with a giggle, still feeling the rush of excitement from teasing the elder. 

He and Tae let out a howl of surprise when Jaebum pounced at them. They shrieked in pure delight and ran behind Jimin to hide, his lanky frame not doing much in the hide-and-seek department. Jimin, caught of guard, eyed them skeptically, crying out a swear when Tae held his shoulders and kept on stirring him to block Jaebum. 

“Jimin, step side!” Jaebum snapped and reached for Taehyung over his shoulder. 

“Tae, stop it! We have to leave now!” Jimin berated. 

“Okay, okay! We’re sorry,” Taehyung placated but his boxy smile showed, giving him an innocent look. 

But Jaebum wasn’t fazed. He clicked his tongue and took a step back. Huffing in annoyance, he patiently waited for them to calm down. It was tensed for a few moments before Tae slowly released Jimin, grinning when he noticed Jaebum’s eyes tracking his movements. He slowly reached for his bag and slung it over his shoulder, sending Youngjae a weird look before he sprinted out of the door with a yelling Jimin dragged by the collar. 

Youngjae yelled indignantly and ran for his bag only to be caught in an arm lock, desperately clawing at Jaebum’s arm. “I’m sorry! It was his idea!” 

“I don’t care whose idea it was, you were still a part of it,” Jaebum glowered and barely choked the younger. 

“I’m sorry. I won’t do it again!” Youngjae pleaded but Jaebum could tell he was anything but sorry, if the smile on his face and the mirth in his eyes was anything to go by. 

“Do you admit?” 

“Yes, yes! I admit! Hyung, I’m sorry!” Youngjae whined. He took a lungful of breath when he was finally released and he kneeled down the floor. “But, hyung. It’s cute though,” he sheepishly chuckled, gasping in between his words. 

Jaebum clicked his tongue and made a move to hit the younger when Youngjae flinched and defended with his arms. Seeing the younger act defensive calmed Jaebum down and settled in pinching his arm. Youngjae yelped and pouted, half-heartedly glaring at the elder. 

“Get up, it’s getting late,” Jaebum sighed when he noticed it was nearing seven. 

Youngjae frowned and followed the elder’s line of vision. Usually seven is still early for Jaebum seeing as he practiced until ten. However, he didn’t question it. Youngjae stood up and accepted the bag Jaebum offered. He was about to thank the elder when he looked up and realized something odd. When did Jaebum get taller? Youngjae used to be aligned with his eyes now, he’s equal to Jaebum’s lips. 

“What is it?” Jaebum grunted. 

Youngjae’s eyes met his but his attention was at the cute little heart above his twin moles. A smile broke into Youngjae’s lips as he reached to touch the doodle on the elder’s skin, gently caressing it with the pad of his thumb. 

“It’s cute, hyung,” Youngle whispered, almost breathless. 

He turned to Jaebum when he found the man staring at him, wide eyed and mute. The reality of his action caused a blush to rise on his cheeks and made him flinch away, averting his eyes when Jaebum still remained silent. 

“Ah, hyung. Come on, I thought you said it was getting late? We should leave now,” Youngjae awkwardly reminded and wiped his clammy hands on his pants. 

“Uh, okay,” Jaebum dumbly muttered and followed after Younger, turning off the lights and locking the door behind him. 

They quietly made their way out of the school, fidgeting and awkwardly avoiding each other’s eyes. 

“So, how was Tae? Was he a good help?” Jaebum asked when he couldn’t handle the delicacy of the situation anymore. 

“Yeah! He was amazing, we started off with the basics and he thought me parts of the piano,” Youngjae beamed. “I know how to play the first verse of Twinkle Twinkle now.” 

“Oh, that’s good to hear,” Jaebum sighed in relief. 

“I asked him if he can teach me again and he said okay but only during Monday afternoon and Friday noon. He seems busy.” 

“That’s why I told you I still had to ask. I’m glad he agreed,” Jaebum chuckled. “So be sure to make the most out of it.” 

“Oh, aren’t I taking his time then? Won’t it be troublesome for him?” Youngjae’s shoulders sagged, lips between his teeth. 

Here we go again. Jaebum sighed and stopped walking, prompting the younger as well. “Don’t be guilty. Despite how he looks, Taehyung is an honest person. If he didn’t want to, he would’ve refuse immediately. It’s fine. He’s okay with it. Stop overthinking.” 

Youngjae winced at Jaebum’s tone. He sounded annoyed and fed up, probably from all the whining Youngjae kept on spouting since day one. He couldn’t help thinking he was being a bother, he was just lost and clueless on what he should do. A few months ago, he just swore on himself to stop depending too much on Jaebum, but here he was again, spoon fed with another opportunity. 

“I would’ve taught you if I know how to play but I’m not as good as Taehyung. I might just make it worse for you,” Jaebum muttered and began to walk again. 

Jaebum lamented on the fact that he couldn’t help the younger himself. It was upsetting that there are some things he couldn’t accomplish but that was the reality of life. It was a truth for him. All he needed to do was learn and no one is deterring his improvement but himself. The same could be applied to Youngjae. The only difference, he still can’t accept his own flaws. That, or he thinks he has too much imperfections that it’s brimming almost to the point it’s what driving him to do work harder and harder. 

It’s the brutal side of insecurity. 

“Bye, hyung,” Youngjae mumbled weakly as they stopped in front of Youngjae’s dorm building. 

“Take care,” Jaebum waved. “Oh, and Youngjae?” 

“Yes, hyung?” 

“When you can finally play Twinkle Twinkle, can you let me hear it?” 

Despite the dim lights of the streetlamps, Jaebum took great pleasure in seeing the younger flustered and sprinting away from him out of sheer mortification. He watched the younger get inside before turning on his heel and crossed the street. 

He climbed on the waiting bus and took a sit to the nearest bench. He could understand where Youngjae was coming from. Jaebum knew exactly how that felt. He once underwent the same phase, mulling over how he couldn’t be as good as his seniors, or how was he supposed perform better than the trainees in the company. He still kept thinking about it, but he grew up. Those kinds of thoughts were lethal and it’s frustrating him whenever he sees Youngjae becoming deaf from all the whispers in his head. 

If he can ease those problems away from him, even just by a little, Jaebum would give anything just see the joy he once witnessed when Youngjae sang on stage, in front of a crowd, for the very first time. He saw how happy it made him, how ecstatic and proud he was of himself. Youngjae was a natural performer, a born genius as his name says. He sang as if he belonged up there with a microphone on his hand and a crowd applauding for his greatness. Somewhere along the path of the future, Jaebum just knows it, Youngjae will achieve something big once he overcomes hurdles. 

Jaebum swore he will see through it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drama. It’s cliché and I don’t feel very proud of this one. What do you think? 


	12. Chapter 12

Jaebum didn't get to hear it.

The room was dim, faint orange bulbs lighting only the corners of the room. Amidst the darkness, the familiar chords of a nursery lullaby resonated. It was slow and eerie, but most of all, it was sad. Each key felt drawn and heavy. Fading, and fading, and _fading_. A silhouette sat at the piano stool, slouched and small as nimble fingers glide across the keys.

_Again. He's not coming again._

Youngjae paused from pressing the next tile, sluggishly turning to the side when his phone screen lit up. 9:31 PM, the time said and an envelope icon rest below the clock. Youngjae opened his phone, expecting a message from a certain someone only to drop down dejectedly when it was only his phone bill offering him special promos. He looked around the room. It was dark and void. Empty.

"Time to go back then," he cheered himself and gathered his things. He gently closed the piano lid and pushed the stool under the instrument. With one last glance, Youngjae turned off the lights and closed the door with a soft click.

It's been a month since Youngjae heard something from the elder, not even a phone call or a message. He waited everyday in the studio, practicing the tempo management Taehyung taught him. The rhythmic tick of the metronome was his only company as he happily played Chopstick in the piano. It went on for a week. He told himself Jaebum was only busy but when he finally mustered the courage to message the elder to ask how he was doing, he got no reply.

He asked Taehyung if he knew something but the second year was as clueless. Youngjae waited; he waited everyday in the studio playing the same piece over and over until another week passed and he was able to play the keys even with his eyes closed. Only then was he informed that Jaebum was on another excused leave. However, Youngjae was hopeful. He practiced every time he stayed at the studio, telling himself to be at his best when Jaebum sees his next evaluation.

He played Claire de Lune, missing only three notes for changing the tempo. And yet, Jaebum didn't come. Youngjae longingly stared at the glass window of the doors, hoping Jaebum would come late, but he didn't.

Jaebum never came.

Youngjae was left to celebrate his success by himself. He thanked Taehyung numerous times, even offering to treat him and Jimin to some lamb skewers across the street. During Jaebum's absence, he got closer to the other second years and discovered they were trainees under a small agency: Big Hit Entertainment. Youngjae was less lonely with Taehyung and Jimin around but when he arrives at the studio, he was once again reminded of solitude.

"What should I have for dinner tonight?" He muttered with his eyes cast down.

Youngjae passed by a noodle house and bought himself a takeout. It was around 10:30 when he arrived at the dorm and he got scolded by the dorm manager for going pass curfew. Youngjae placed his dinner on the coffee table at the center of his room and dropped himself on his bed, face first. He grabbed a pillow over his head and buried his face on the soft cushion, groaning in exhaustion after a long day.

"What to do..." he mumbled. He turned his head to give himself some room to breath, only to notice a plastic bottle on his desk. "It's nearly full..."

The bottle was filled with rolled papers of different colors. Ever since his first evaluation, Youngjae began writing what's been going on in his life as a student. He kept tabs of his improvements, his failures, his realizations, everything. Sometimes, just sometimes, he would write about his little talks with Jaebum. This time, it’s another entry of nothing but his lonely practice.

“What have I been doing?” he asked himself.

Youngjae took the bottle from his desk and examined its content. In the span of five- nearly six months of his time in the school, he couldn’t believe he had that much things to write about. Curious, Youngjae sat on his bed and twisted the cap open, pouring the papers into his bed. One by one, he began to open and read them.

04/03/2011

_You learned sight reading today! It needs a lot more improvement but you can do it. Fighting, Youngjae!_

03/25/2011

_Jaebum hyung said I need to work on my confidence? How do I do that?_

07/05/2011

_You finally teamed with Daniel and Jaehwan. They’re both amazing so don’t fall behind. Work hard._

04/29/2011

_Stupid! Don’t do something you can’t do! 66 points. You barely passed your evaluation. Don’t get ahead of yourself just because you passed last month’s evaluation._

Youngjae frowned as he caressed the smudged words in the paper. He winced at the memory of nearly failing his second monthly evaluation. That time, they were assigned to re-arrange a song of their liking. Youngjae thought that would’ve been it but as it turned out, on the day of the evaluation, they randomly switched the songs. And to his luck, he ended up with Yerin’s arrangement. Youngjae remembered crying in his room when they told him he passed just by one point. It was embarrassing that he couldn’t even tell Jaebum about it.

4/30/2011

_Jaebum hyung found out I nearly failed my exam so he took me out for ice cream. He said it’s okay to fail as long as you work hard next time._

6/15/2011

_Jaebum hyung got sick today. I wanted to check on him but I don’t know where he lives._

6/28/2011

_I had a fight with Jaebum hyung. I ignored him for the rest of the day. Tomorrow is your evaluation. FOCUS._

8/10/2011

_He didn’t come._

The more Youngjae read, the more he came to realize something. Almost in every paper, Jaebum’s name was written. He gathered all that was written in the month of July and August. It all implied the same thing: _He didn’t come_. Youngjae stared at the notes, his mind running different scenarios in his head. He asked himself, why? Just why is he looking for Jaebum? Why is he so desperate? Why is it so important to know what happened? Didn’t he already tell himself not to rely too much on him? So why?

_Why does it hurt?_

That night, Youngjae fell asleep surrounded by crumpled papers and his dinner left uneaten. In the end, he never got any answers. Morning came and Youngjae cursed himself for falling asleep without freshening last night. He felt sticky and uncomfortable in his rumpled uniform. Groggily, he got up from his bed and stretched his body, groaning as his bones popped. He cringed in disgust when he tasted something foul in his mouth. He groaned.

“Ah, I didn’t brush my teeth,” he whined pathetically.

Youngjae reached for his phone to check the time and when he saw it, he screamed on the top of his lungs. He rushed to his bathroom, forgetting his towel hanging on the window. Loud curses and whines were heard along with the sound of water running. On his phone screen, the time 10:16 AM blinked and above, the battery icon glowed 7%.

“Wow, you look horrible,” was the first thing Jaehwan said when he saw Youngjae enter the classroom, slouching and muttering to himself.

“Shut up.” Youngjae dropped himself on his chair and laid his head on top of his desk.

“What happened?” Daniel asked when he sees Youngjae sulking and grumbling something incoherent.

Jaehwan shrugged with a pout of his lips. “Bad morning?”

“Youngjae, Mrs. Kim was looking for you this morning,” Sooyoung informed as soon as she got close in their circle.

“I know,” Youngjae groaned. “I ran into her on my way here.”

They winced in sympathy.

“Okay? What did she say?” Daniel prompted.

“She says the next time I decide not to take her class, I shouldn’t bother coming back.”

“Why were you late anyway?” Jaehwan sat on the chair in front of Youngjae’s desk and leaned close. “Where were you?”

“I overslept,” Youngjae answered.

“Oh? Did she tell you about the new task?” Sooyoung asked and rubbed Youngjae’s back when he yawned.

“She did, and I can’t believe I missed an entire class of it,” he whined.

“We can help you, don’t worry about it,” Sooyoung consoled.

“No, she said I can’t ask for help from any of you,” Youngjae pouted as he leaned on his upright hand. “It’s like my punishment for being late.”

The three exchanged worried glances and then turned to study their dejected friend. These passed few days hadn’t been easy for Youngjae and his friends took notice of that. It’s not like anything big changed, they weren’t being dramatic. He was still their usual doubtful and vocal friend; he was still attentive in class and works hard everyday. _But_ there is something. It was subtle and silent, almost unnoticeable to anyone but his friends.

Youngjae was once again alone in the studio, sitting on the piano stool and playing the same piece slowly. Why is he still waiting? Why does he still keep coming back with no assurance that Jaebum would come? Why is he even asking? Suddenly, his fingers stopped playing, his mind blank. He can’t seem to remember what comes next. Youngjae’s attention snapped towards the sheet music only to realize it wasn’t there. He frowned. His hand dropped from the keys and onto his lap.

“What is it…” he muttered. Youngjae hit his head trying to remember the sheet music of Claire de Lune, but nothing.

He tried playing the first bar of Twinkle Twinkle but when he made it to the bridge, he stopped. He’s been playing the same piece over and over so how come he can’t remember now. All of a sudden, a hand came into his peripheral and fingers began to play the rest of the notes. A warm breath tickled the back of his neck, a looming presence standing behind him. Youngjae shut his eyes tightly.

_He knows._

“Am I playing it right?” his tone was gentle but his voice was a bit rough, husky even.

“You’re a key higher.” Youngjae answered. He played the piece with one hand, keeping his eyes down as he did so.

“Oh, you’re good at this now.” He praised.

“I practiced hard…” _Everyday. Without you._

Silence

“Hyung, I—”

Youngjae reeled behind him only to shut his mouth at the sudden revelation. He blinked, lips parted in silent surprise. He didn’t realize how close Jaebum was, their nose almost touching and their breaths fanning each other’s cheeks. Youngjae stared into his eyes, then to his twin moles. Looking closely, he can see the lone little mole on the bridge of Jaebum’s nose and then the one on his left cheek. Youngjae looks away. Even without looking, he can feel Jaebum stepping away, his body heat fading and the hand playing the piano drawing back.

“Can you play it for me?” he asked.

Without further questions, Youngjae agreed and turned back to the piano. In the silence of the room, the only sound that could be heard was the soft melody of a nursery song. It was soothing but it sounded… sad. Jaebum wordlessly sat on the floor, leaning on the piano stool with his back against Youngjae. He closed his eyes and sighed. Even with the melancholic tempo, it was still beautiful. It was perfect.

It wasn’t the best ambiance, but it was better than he expected. When the last note faded, they were left in silence. It was heavy and awkward. They couldn’t bear to look at each other. It wasn’t usually like this. The last time Jaebum disappeared on him was during his first evaluation but even then, they had no qualms falling into a comfortable setting after a week of no communication.

Or maybe it was that.

Back then, they had no means of communication. They don’t have each other’s number and they certainly don’t have any obligation to inform the other of their plans. Furthermore, they’ve only known each other for a month. They didn’t have that certain pattern yet. Everything was yet to be established unlike now.

Now, they can text and call each other every day. Even a simple _hey, I’ll be away for a while_ or _Sorry for not replying,_ I was busy would’ve sufficed. Youngjae wouldn’t ask anymore as long as Jaebum said he was fine. Heck he would’ve stopped if he was told to fuck off. But _no_ , he had been left hanging for a month without a single word of assurance. In the first place, why does it seem like a big deal? He’s not like this with his friends back in his hometown. He doesn’t pester them if they go MIA for a month, he doesn’t even care if it goes on much longer than that.

“I’m preparing for my debut.”

_Oh._

“Is that so? That’s good news then! Congratulations, hyung!” Youngjae cheered, laughing even. But he knows, it was anything but genuine. “Are you going solo or with a group?”

“No, it’ll be in a drama.”

 _What?_ Youngjae’s brows furrowed and he stopped fiddling with the piano keys. “You’re gonna be an actor?”

“Yeah.”

“Then what about dancing? I thought you just wanted to be a dancer?” Youngjae gritted his teeth. Why was he so annoyed?

“It’s still like that. They casted me because I am a dancer.” Youngjae watched as the elder scratched the back of his head and sighed. “The cast is not yet officially released but I’ll be starring in Dream High 2. For the whole month that I was away, we were shooting the trailer.”

“And you didn’t bother telling me that.”

As soon as it came out, Youngjae immediately clamped his mouth shut. He didn’t mean to say it. It just came out. Jaebum doesn’t reply and that irked Youngjae even more. He doesn’t have a bad temper and he’s not easily annoyed. This is so new to him, this unsettling feeling of his ranging emotions and thoughts. All the anxiety he felt came crashing back on him and he wanted to cry.

“I’m sorry,” Jaebum muttered yet it sounded so loud in the room. “I was in workshops and they took my phone away. I had no way of talking to you. I just got it last night and I saw your messages. It seems like I made you worry.” He chuckled dryly.

“You had the day before and last night.”

Jaebum winced. “I know, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk to you. I’m sorry.”

Youngjae told himself to calm down. He’s not one to lash out on people and he certainly doesn’t have any right to be angry. “No, you have nothing to apologized about. I’m sorry for getting angry. I was just upset.”

“That too, I’m sorry.”

“Hyung, it’s not your fault,” Youngjae groaned and rolled his eyes. “I’m upset at myself. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry if it seems like I’m blaming you.”

“I’m blaming myself!”

Youngjae flinched at the sudden rise of Jaebum’s tone. He trembled as the elder rose to his feet and faced him, fists clenched and his chin jutting out in anger.

“I disappointed you, didn’t I?”

“What are you talking about? It’s not like that at all!” Youngjae argued.

“You waited,” Jaebum growled in frustration. “and I didn’t come. Tae told me.”

Youngjae couldn’t help but scoff. “So you came here because Taehyung told you?”

“No, I came here looking for you. I just met Tae on the way here and he told me everything.” Jaebum sat down again, but this time, beside Youngjae. “I wanted to call you last night, believe me, I really wanted to but it just seems so cowardly of me. I don’t know why but that’s how I really feel.”

Youngjae kept mum.

“I called this morning but you didn’t answer. That’s when I thought that maybe I did upset you.”

“Huh?” Youngjae blinked. A sudden memory came and he couldn’t help but clutched his head in frustration. “Ah, hyung. I left my phone in my room this morning. I was late for class and I didn’t have time to check for my things.” He didn’t even have the time to eat and clean the mess he made last night.

“That still doesn’t excuse what I did.”

“Please stop,” Youngjae begged. “Don’t make a big deal out of this,” big words coming from him considering that’s what he’s been mauling over since Jaebum disappeared. “You don’t have to tell me anything about your life. I was just worried when I heard nothing from you.”

“Youngjae,” Jaebum’s paused and pursed his lips. “It may seem trivial to you, but it meant big for me. I just have this urge to tell you everything about me and want to know more about you too. I wanted to know what you were doing. I want to know if you did well in class and I don’t like seeing you upset.”

“What are you saying, hyung?”

Youngjae’s heart began pounding in his chest, his hands clenching his slacks. Jaebum can’t be implying what he thinks it is. Youngjae is still in shambles. He still has a lot to sort out in his head. He has questions too. Youngjae felt the same but he just couldn’t voice it out in fear of the thought that it was all his imaginations. That he is just confusing this feeling for friendship and gratitude. He needs a clear answer.

“Youngjae, I think I’m starting to like you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does it seem anti-climactic? It seems like that to me. What are your thoughts? Also, prepare some snacks, this is going to be quite a show.
> 
> Classes are about to start again so I won’t be able to update every week like I did before. I’m also writing 2 other stories and this one is the hardest to update cause everything is not yet established. This is going to be quite difficult to handle.


	13. Chapter 13

"For how long, hyung?" Youngjae muttered somberly.

Youngjae is all sunshine and big laughs but he wasn't stupid. People assumed he was because he easily gets startled and that he's so slow in catching up to jokes and wordplays. But he wasn't stupid. Youngjae, like any other people out there, expresses himself openly even though it doesn't even par to the amount of secrets he keep to himself. It may seem like he's assuming Jaebum liked him for a long time but it's not like that.

Jaebum is a man of few words but he means what he says and he never beats around the bush. He was straightforward and uses the simplest of words to express himself, so Youngjae doesn't doubt him. He doesn't question what kind of 'like' Jaebum meant because he knows already. If it was just a simple _'I like you, we could be friends,'_ then there was no need to say it because it was already given considering the amount of time they've known each other. They were pass that phase.

"I don't know..." Jaebum paused. "I never realized."

"How do you know... that what you're feeling, is really what it is?" Youngjae asked. "Towards me?"

"I just do," Jaebum answered. "I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't sure."

That was true, Youngjae thought to himself. He knows Jaebum has good self-awareness. He knew what he wanted, how and why he wanted it. A no means 'No', yes means 'Yes'. Those were his only two choices after pondering for so long. There was never a maybe but there is a 'what if' because there are more ways to deal with a problem than just leaving it like that; unsolved.

"I can't find my way out of this, can I?" Youngjae muttered dejectedly as he fiddled with his thumb.

Jaebum frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Normally, people would start making excuses like you're only confuse or that maybe it's platonic," Youngjae peered at him through his lashes before looking away; heart sinking at just the mere thought of the words inside his head. "It's just a phase, you'll get over it." Youngjae straightened his back and placed his hands over the piano keys, a cacophony of notes resounding in the room.

"But I know you, hyung. I know you're not the kind to make hasty decisions or an indecisive conclusion."

"Are you feeling that now? The need to make excuses? Why?" Jaebum’s voice was deep but soft and understanding all the same. He wasn't rushing. He wasn't even confuse why Youngjae was taking this so well.

"I--" Youngjae played with it again, the same note over and over. It was like a nervous tick now and it doesn't escape Jaebum’s attention. "I can't deal with this now, hyung."

It was painful, not for Jaebum but for Youngjae. He knew what he felt, knew what it meant but... the timing is just not right.

"I understan--"

"You don't," Youngjae snapped harshly but his voice was weak and soft. "I'm... I'm still confuse. I'm a mess right now. A bad and unsalvageable mess. Hyung, you were gone for a month. You left me disoriented with nothing left on my plate to keep me in place," Jaebum gently lead his hands away from the piano and they settled on his lap. "You weren't just away all this time. You were _gone_. And now you came back and just suddenly confessed--".

"Hyung, I need time to think about this."

"I know," Jaebum said, low and almost, resigned. As if he already _knew_ and that was just nerve-wracking because what else does he know? "I'd feel better if you do."

"What?" Youngjae blinked, slowly raising his eyes until they met Jaebum’s soft and gentle gaze. However, a speck of hurt glinted in his eyes, sending a sting prickling in Youngjae's heart. He hated it, that feeling of impending pain for them to share unintentionally.

"I never said I needed answer right away. Like you, I needed time when I thought about this." Jaebum rubbed his neck sheepishly and averted his eyes. "I know Youngjae... and I understand."

A month, composed of thirty-one days, is no small number. All those times Jaebum sat in the workshop alone, thinking what was Youngjae doing or how did his evaluation go. Looking at himself in the mirror and seeing his own reflection staring back at him with perplexed eyes. He was alone. Jaebum likes to have space for himself; silence to hear his own thoughts and think about what to do next. He rarely goes out with his friends, often choosing to practice than spend his time on nothing but fooling around. Yeah, he was alone, but never once had he felt he was lonely...

Until it was just him sitting in the studio. Alone.

Jaebum shifts on his feet. "You wouldn't be taking the time to think about this if they are no options to consider."

"Huh?"

Youngjae was rewarded by a flustered smile and shy eyes. "I know, Youngjae... you just haven't considered it yet but I know." Youngjae blushed a deep shade of red at the implication, because yeah, he couldn't deny what Jaebum was hinting. "What I don't know is what your answer will be. But I'll wait. I'll be patient."

"Please don't bother yourself, hyung," Youngjae sighed.

"That's not up to you, Youngjae," Jaebum chastised gently.

"Hyung, please," Youngjae begged.

Now that he lost his grasp on rationality, only did he realize just fast his heart was beating and how ragged his breath was. He couldn't take anymore of this. Youngjae wanted to just bolt out of there and never come back. Maybe move somewhere in Africa and change his name into Lorenzo or something. But he can't do that, not to Jaebum. He doesn't deserve that when all he's ever been was be kind and supportive to Youngjae.

Jaebum hissed and clicked his tongue. "It's getting late. We should go."

Youngjae didn't need to blink and take a moment to understand that. He sees it, the way Jaebum’s bravado shielded him immediately, the anxiety of the rejection hanging above his head like a beacon. Youngjae wasn't guilty; how he refused to give a straight answer because it was true. He needed time to sort his thoughts out. Learn what his heart wanted and fight against the denial creeping up to him. He had every right to ask for it and he did it in a way both he and Jaebum can accept.

He wasn't ready.

"Yeah. I'll go collect my things."

The walk outside of the campus wasn't as awkward as Youngjae thought. He expected silence and typical aversion but it didn't feel like that to him, and the same could be said about Jaebum. He was smiling and humming of what seems to be Twinkle Twinkle. Youngjae nibbed on his lips and sighed.

"How... how was your shooting, hyung?" He asked and hoist his backpack higher.

Jaebum glanced at him and pouted his lips thoughtfully. "Well, the director was a bit demanding but he wasn't as annoying as I thought he would be."

"Well, isn't it because you're a good actor?" Youngjae teased and nudged his shoulder playfully.

"I don't think so. I mean, the acting workshop was a different story," he shrugged. "If they wanted me to cry, I should cry. If wanted me to get angry, I should get angry," he grumbled and kicked a rock out of the curb.

_'That last one didn't seem too much of a hassle,'_ Youngjae thought as he watch Jaebum kick another rock. "It must've been quite the experience then."

"Huh? Ah, yeah. You could say."

The walk to Youngjae's dorm was short but pretty eventful. Jaebum told him what happened the entire month he was gone. Workshops after workshops. Make up after make up. Regimen after regimen. Youngjae thought it was tiring, overwhelming even. He wondered how Jaebum was fairing in that kind of industry at such a young age, working with professionals with years of experience and expertise. He looked normal still. Maybe he grew a few inches in height and seemed broader than before, but Youngjae felt no actual change.

Youngjae hesitated.

"Hyung..." he called and paused on his steps.

Jaebum turned, slightly taken aback when he noticed Youngjae was a bit behind him. However, it gradually morphed into something grim and silent. Youngjae's face says it all and it didn't take Jaebum more than one glance to know that the younger has something to say. He waited; watched as Youngjae carefully sort out his words. Youngjae's gaze strayed, his body rigid and lips swollen from the abuse between his teeth.

"What is it?" He finally spoke, not out of impatience but rather to encourage the younger.

"What... Nothing," Youngjae sighed and continued walking. "Nevermind. It's nothing, hyung," he says and passed Jaebum’s motionless form.

Jaebum remained silent but it didn't mean, he didn't catch on Youngjae's sudden shift of mood. He understood that everything happened fast. He knew that what he felt was far was acceptable in their world. But more than that, he just couldn't expect everything would be back to the way it was now that he was back, regardless of his sudden confession. Youngjae was still upset. He was still hurt and disappointed by Jaebum’s sudden absence and admittedly, Jaebeom knew he confessed at the wrong time.

Youngjae's confusion didn't just stem from the sudden address of his feelings towards the elder. There were more to it than just infatuation. There were choices to make; things he needed to accept or deny. Sacrifices that need to be made, and words that needed to be considered. Jaebum himself, knew the consequences, knew that what they _can_ have cannot happen if he doesn't make a choice. He was not only an official trainee under a contract, he will also become a public figure in just a few more months.

It was career over personal matters. 

It was a choice that no weighing scale can ever measure. Jaebum was selfish, but he wasn't entirely greedy. Youngjae had that special place in his heart but was it enough for him to disregard everything he worked for all those years? Was Youngjae that significant that Jaebum was willing to throw everything out for him? He knew, that these questions circled inside Youngjae's head. Jaebum contemplated about it for the past few days. He _knew_ he and Youngjae will have to share these dark whispers and hesitation. He knew the doubts that will rise once he decides to pick one out of two choices, because either way, he will have doubts. Even worse, _regrets_.

There was no such thing as a clear path for him.

But that didn't stop him from choosing.

"Youngjae, I told you, didn't I?" Jaebum said. "I'll be patient with you."

"Hyung, I-"

"Believe me when I say that I'm not expecting anything. I don't expect a rejection nor do I expect acceptance. I want to hear everything from you," Jaebum pursed his lips and licked the inside of his cheeks. "I don't want to get ahead of what you feel. It's not for me decide. So please, do the same for me."

It was overwhelming, having someone who knows you like the back of their hand. It was scary, actually. It made him feel bare and vulnerable. Maybe just a bit weak but not entirely helpless. Youngjae wanted to think, too. To see for himself what else he can do and how he can sort out his own thoughts. Maybe he was envious of Jaebum’s ability to read him like an open book despite his secrets. Maybe he was a bit annoyed that Jaebum kept getting ahead of him.

Maybe he was frustrated at himself because everything Jaebum said was right as if he was saying his own thoughts rather than Youngjae's.

"I... okay..." Youngjae relented, head tipping down as his eyes remained averted. He didn't know what Jaebum saw on his face, but he was sure it didn't sit well with the elder.

Youngjae once again turned on his heel and began walking ahead, leaving Jaebum to watch his back as he neared his dorm building. When Youngjae safety entered the door, only did Jaebum decided to leave. He remained silent as he waited for the bus, and even when he boarded, not a single word was uttered. He unlocked his phone to check the time, unmindful of the fact that it was late, or that _he_ was late. The memory of Youngjae's feigned smile flashed in his head and sent a pang on his chest.

Head thumping against the glass window, Jaebum muttered a curse. "Stupid..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too much? Is it confusing? I find it confusing.
> 
> Anyway! It's been a while. I'm still complying with my requirements but this draft has been sitting here for a month already. I'm quite relentless to update so here it is. Sorry if it's a bit half-assed. Me writing angst is the same as me writing poor humor.

**Author's Note:**

> 01/14/20
> 
> Any information shared in this story is just nothing but fiction based on the author's imagination. Any similarities or differences present in real life is only pure coincidence. Thank you for your understanding.


End file.
